Possible demands for our union
 
We demand:
 
1) Open access to the largest bed in the house so that we can do our
ethnic rituals.  For non-ferrets this is what seems to be ad hoc bouncing
on all fours while hissing with our mouths open and free-falls from the
bed to the floor.  Although this may seem unruly to non-ferrets, this is
integral to our culture and historic roots.
 
2) That we be given literacy courses.  We have tried through peaceful
means (scratching at desired literature and turning the pages with our
noses) and civil disobedience (throwing books from all reachable shelves
on to the floor and leaving them in disarray).  None of these tactics
has worked.  Therefore we would like to discuss a possible escalation of
pressure to get our reading courses.
 
3) Free access to all the things within our environment and the right
to store any objects within our environment inside our storage space.
 
4) We call for a transfer of ownership of our owner's glasses case and
other items of interest and the right to ignore the bumble ball at all
times.
 
5) THe right to use all feet as a chin rest without danger of the foot
being untimely removed from under our chins.
 
6) The right to have access to all dishwater that drips from our owners
hands at all times during the dish washing.
 
7) The right to get even with those that call us "rats, bebetes,
minks, weasels, mongoose or other non-ferret words." Although, the use
of "little thief" may be used when we are in fact caught in the act,
and only then.  When relaying a story of a past theft, we would prefer
the use of "kleptomaniac" to be implemented, so that those hearing the
story will know that we suffer from a disease and it is not our fault.
 
8) Finally, we reserve the right to cuddle up to each other at all times.
Strange ferrets must first go through the biting/wrestling ritual first.
 
THank you for considering our demands, and thanks to our treat vending
machine for typing this out as we have not had our first lesson in reading
and writing yet...  now we have to go fight each other so we can release
all aggression before bedtime!  ps.  luckily we live in ontario, where
there are strict laws against replacement workers (ferrets), lucky us!
[Posted in FML issue 1140]