After posting about my vet visit, I began to think of various
ways I could explain how FERRETS are Dangerous to cows.  How about
these:
 
(1)  HOP UNTIL DIZZY
 
The wild Ferrets all stand around the cow and hop around it in the
Ferret victory dance.  The cow gets dizzy, falls down, and is eaten.
 
(2)  IF YOU CAN'T LICK 'EM, JOIN 'EM
 
The pack of nasty ferrets lick the cow until it looses its mind and
falls to the ground, and is eaten.
 
(3)  SOCKS HYPOTHESIS
 
The ferret pack steals all the cow's socks, the cow gets cold feet,
gets sick, and is eaten.
 
(4)  EMPIRE STRIKES BACK HYPOTHESIS
 
Two Ferrets grab a long piece of twine and run around the cow's
feet, hog tying it.  The cow falls to the ground and is eaten.
 
(5)  THE RUG HYPOTHESIS
 
The evil Ferret group waits until the cow steps on a rug, then all
the Ferrets grab the rug and pull it out from under the cow.  Thus
overcome, the cow is eaten.
 
(6)  THE DRINK HYPOTHESIS
 
The Ferrets line areas where the cows walk with full cups of
assorted beverages.  As the cows walk by, the Ferrets spill all the
beverages, the cow slips, and is eaten.
 
(7)  Hypnosis
 
The Ferret Clan simply gives the Ferret Stare to the cow in question.
The cow lays down, mesmerized by the stare, and is eaten.
 
(8)  SOCK HYPOTHESIS II
 
The ferrets nip at the toes of the cows until they can no longer
take the abuse, the cow passes out, and the Ferrets eat it.
 
(9)  ROLLING TOY HYPOTHESIS
 
The Ferrets roll their favorite toys under the cow, when the cow
walks, it slips and is eaten.
 
(10) BECAUSE IT'S THERE
 
The ferret band climb onto the cow all at once.  Thus weighted down
the cow falls over, and is eaten.
 
     The next time someone tells you that your harmless Ferret is
a mass murder of Bovine types, pick one of the above and tell them,
"You're right, the way they do it is...."
 
D.E.  Brea, CA
[Posted in FML issue 1050]