Dear Chris,
 
Thanks for the information on my pesky little computer hacker.   Much of your
computer lingo went over my head but I'm convinced the security problem rests
with AOL.  I've notified them and am waiting a response.  I've also notified
the FBI and they were indeed interested.  I've reproduced the letter so you
can get a taste of where this guy is coming from.
 
Dear Sir,
 
I am an expert computer hacker.  I hacked your AOL file, got your real name,
your DOB and SS#.  I then checked through government databases and found you
are a police officer and a law school student. (accurate)
 
If you need me to get any information on anyone let me know.  For a price I
will do anyone!  Maybe you could hook me up with some of your friends!
 
Thanks for your time, I hope it will be profitable for both of us!
Master Cracker
Salvage
 
P.S.  I didn't change your records or anything like that and I did not use
the information i got on you for any wrong or bad purposes.  No offense OK.
 I just need some money!
 
Well, that's it.  Pretty freaky.  Anyway, thanks for the advice.  .
 
I know my hacker problem  is irrelevant for FML purposes so let me add a bio
of my two carpet sharks, Daisy and Elvis, for the sake of entertainment.
  Daisy is a 1 y/o sable female with an attitude.  Likes to bite (working on
that) and is a borderline paranoid schizophrenic.  Girlfriend wanted to name
our first child "Daisy."  Agreed to give the name to the ferret so girlfriend
will get that idea out of her head.  Elvis is, of course, "the King."
 Currently in mourning over the death of the real Elvis.  Wouldn't leave his
cage yesterday.  Elvis prefers the dishwasher, trashcans, the T.V. remote
control, and my cordless phone (he chewed off the "9" button some I'm in big
trouble if I have to dial 911).  Elvis is mellow, cumbersome, and lazy.  He
tempers Daisy's hyperactivity.  He is about twice the size of Daisy but
usually allows her to win the daily free-for-all.  Daisy and Elvis both came
with the standard ferret tool belt and technology which allows them access
into everything.  Daisy is the acrobat and usually handles destruction of
evertything at human eyelevel and above.  She has a penchant for pulling
things off of the higher shelves.  Elvis is more blue collar in his approach.
 His daily routine, after a complete inventory of the house is complete, is
to remove all books from the bookshelf and pull all CD's off of the stereo.
 After a brief nap, he is in charge of opening all locked doors and cabinets
in order to allow Daisy full access.  Both are wanted for a host of crimes
including burglary, larceny, embezzlement, and grand theft car keys.
 Currently interrogating Elvis as to the location of my wallet.  He's being
held without bail until he talks.  Well, that's the story.  Sorry about the
length but I have nothing better to do because Elvis and his accomplice have
locked me in my room.  I've been here for a day and a half.  Maybe Elvis will
make me a sandwich and slide it under the door.
Peace,
Dan.
 
[Posted in FML issue 0923]