TO: FLO (Ferret Liberation Organization)
FROM: Captain Ryder, North Carolina Outpost
SUBJECT: Crap!

Our MOM (Machismo of Macerate ~ look it up) took me to the Infirmary
on Monday after serious pleading for an ASAP appointment.

DX: It seems I have Liver Disease and/or Failure. Although the
all-to-well known Adrenal Disease (left side) was treated with the
Des Implant earlier this year, my health is seriously failing. An
Ultrasound was conducted on my body - no cardiomyopathy or insulinoma,
possible lymphoma. I now have a bikini wax. Where's the beach and my
speedo? Wait; there was mention in the report about my crappy teeth. Am
I an English ferret? MOM was given the option by our awesome and highly
recommended veterinarian, Dr. Powers, to let me go to Rainbow Bridge or
take a daily medication (Metacam) for my discomfort/pain. After the 2.5
hour Humvee escort ride, I am back at HQ with my comrades, Special Ops
Remmie and Private Silver for the duration of my command.

Operatives tell her to stop stalking M5 and LP. She kept repeating this
all the way back to base camp: "I'm at a pay phone... all my change I
spent on you. If happy ever after did exist, I would still be holding
you like this..." and "I am in misery... there ain't nobody who can
comfort me...Why won' t you answer me?" I have instructed this FLO
training camp to be shut down. Please send rations as we are out of
A/C, gas, and most importantly, FerretVite. The severity of the
situation is Code Red. Well, that's what MOM's eyes look like...

Signing Off: Captain Ryder
Salute!  (I can see you through the  monitor.)
Shari

[Posted in FML 7485]