There is no easy way to say this, so I will just say it. Late
yesterday, Sean's Pharos passed away. He was 6 1/2. Sean, with guidance
from the vet (and me), chose to say good bye to his friend of many
years and help him across Rainbow Bridge. For Sean who had a mother and
a caring vet whom he's known most of his life to help guide and support
him, the decision still wasn't easy. This was not an easy call.

Many will want to know how Sean is. I can tell you that initially he
went into great denial. It took a sleeping on it and a video to show
him how dire the situation was. Isn't it funny how a picture/video can
reveal things that you overlook in real life? The video helped opened
Sean's eyes. Yesterday, Pharos took a bad turn. I went with Sean to
take Pharos to the vet, and I prepared Sean that this was probably to
be the last time. We were there much of the day partly because it took
Sean a while to make his decision and then to say good bye. Then after
Pharos left, it took until nearly dinner for Sean to finally wrap up
Pharo's still gorgeous self and carry him home. It was a long day. But
I'm so glad for that time. Letting someone come to terms with something
in their own time, independently, in their own way, and taking their
lead greatly pays off. I felt like a mere shadow through out the entire
experience. Sean and his daddy buried Pharos out back with the others.

It was difficult for me as in the end, it was me that had to make the
call. Being on Sean's time was not easy. I had to watch this young man
cry many tears. I had to turn my eyes much of the time because I got
very sick to my stomach. But my ears could not tune out the sobbing.
Sean doesn't cry often. I can only count on one hand how many times
he's really cried since he was little. I have no cried at all. I'm
going through intense guilt. I've had some guilt to work through with
a loss once before. But nothing like this. This is so much worse than
grief. But Sean is good today. Very healthy. And so because of that I
will be able to heal and move on.

The babies, Zee (Chet's ferret) and The Fury (our DMK girls Shenanigans
and Crackers) said their good byes after Sean brought Pharos home. It
went smoothly. The Fury doesn't seem bothered today at all. Zee looks
a little bewildered. The oddest thing happened today though. I decided
to really clean out the ferret room (I always do this after a loss, it
helps me). And the silence was suffocating! Pharos was deaf. And Pharos
was mute. So how is it, there is this God awful silence in the ferret
room now?? I've yet to figure that out. But I sure hope it doesn't
last.

A little about Pharos. Sean chose Pharos out of Petco some time after
he lost Rocky. He was a large, laid back, deaf DEW. I'd love to tell
you that Sean's and Pharos relationship was magical and tell you a
great love story. But it was not. It was "normal". That in itself, in
Sean's case, is a gift I suppose. Sean grew into adulthood with Pharos.
They spent a lot of time at the river here in Chattanooga. Pharos loved
water. It brought some sort of comfort to him. In the last 2 years,
Sean has pulled away from ferrets. Pharos didn't seem to mind his
friend missing in action very much as the three of us gave him
additional attention. The funny thing, is out of the blue Sean talked
about bringing Pharos to the river and camping last weekend. The plans
fell through. Good thing .. that sort of physical stress, would have
caused Pharos to bleed out for sure.

Don't be too sad. We will be okay. That I am sure of. Rocky taught
us that ...

Wolfy
ps, if you'd like to see a happier time with Sean and Pharos:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rXNhJUmSnk
Short vid with them at the river:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PN7WvhbXekM

[Posted in FML 7421]