Dear Ferret Folks-

Well, it's a new year. And if I can find some way to do it, I'm
thinking of formulating a new ferret diet made from poisonous
houseplants, potting soil, dog, cat, and fish food, candy canes,
poultry 'by-products,' cat poop, (feline by-products?) cream cheese,
ice cream, yogurt, chocolate, used feminine hygiene articles, french
fries, Red Bull, root beer, ham, Elaine's famous cherry pineapple
dump cake and tooth paste.

Oh, yeah. It will need some 'dietary ash', whatever that is and
taurine, monosodium glutamate, EDTA, red dye numbers 5 and 3, sodium
laurel sulfate, and powdered emu lips to appeal to that "organic"
market. They like exotic sounding things like tea tree oil and
blue-green algae. I guess I could throw those in, too. And some soy
protein. You can't go wrong with soy.

I'm going to bake the kibbles (I considered a concentrated powder, but
face it, people like the convenience of kibble) into little triangles
to resemble tiny corner pans. And I'm gonna make a miiilion dollars
selling it to anyone silly enough to believe that I free-feed any of
the above mentioned ingredients to my boys.

Happy New Year, start putting some cash aside. I'm not going to accept
PayPal.

Alexandra in MA

[Posted in FML 6929]