Don't worry....this list is simply targeted for the slightly-to-severe
ferret owners/lovers. So far.

Ok-Here's the way the top ten hints rate:
#10 is mild, meaning a good, responsible ferret-parent.
#1 probably needs psyciatric help.

So, for today, here's the top ten symptoms when things might start
slipping;>

10) You'll ferret proof your home for your ferrets- but not your cats,
dogs, or maybe even small, ummmm, children?

9) You think it's hysterical when your ferret(s) steal your underwear,
remote controls, car keys, etc- it's not so funny if any other family
members or pet takes them someplace.

8) Your vet bills are MUCH lower than your own Doctor's bills.

7) Your weekly or monthy ferret food, treats and so on cost more than
your own groceries and utilities. Combined.

6) You ask other ferret owners "Does your ferret's tails smell like
grape soda or corn chips?

5) You think any non-descented, intact ferret who poofs while you're
within a 80' x 80' radious indoors smells better than a dog fart, ANY
cat crap and your spouse or significant other's gas. Oh, and cooked
broccoli. Nothing wrong with whiffing ferrets at pet stores, sneaking
a sniff of a friend's ferret(s) OR you become intoxicated by smelling
a good hob in rut.

4) You actually snicker, laugh and say " Good one!!", when you
overhear one of your ferrets poot, fart or blast one. Not to mention,
if you step in a Humongous, or even a Tea Cup Poodle's doodle,
how long do you spend trying to scrap dookie from the cleats of
tennis/running/work/glamourus shoes, while gagging? Not so with ferret
poo. Can't you just see Bill Cosby in a tv ad promoting Foot Pudding
Pops? "Ummmm, id's da foot puddin' in da pop!"

3) While clipping ferret toenails, you accidently nick a quick- Ouch!
And without even stopping to think, you automatically stick the
bleeding toenail, footsie and all, right into your mouth. As if you've
given yourself a paper cut on a pinkie. (You can only imagine the look
Ewen gave me when this happened)

2) You think David Letterman should exhibit various poopie shapes on
his show regularly. Like the ferrets who can poop alphabet letters or
numbers 1 to 20. Don't forget the abstract art catagory, such as a
mom duck with her ducklings dropping greasy plops behind. You get the
visual, right? Big plop, smaller plop, small plop, small plop, all in
a row.

1)You are attempting to clip a 10-something yr-old farty ferret's
toenails- the kind which are thick & yellow, just like your
grandparents... And this feisty, flatuclent ferret has been in
your shelter since Christmas '04.

And you STILL tell him "It's ok, kissy, kissy, I love you & I'm so
sorry..." You understand- postive re-enforcement. Even though you
have liberal amounts of ferretone all over his smelly belly, he starts
squirming like all get out after the 3rd nail, so you put more 'tone on
the belly, put ferretvite on other parts, but - No go. You really need
to keep up with these groady nails, so you resort to scruffing (Oh
horrors)- at which point, while balancing your reading glasses, trying
to clip wih all 4 footsies peddling while he's twirling his body like
a helicopter- where they get that butt spinning.

While you're dodging jaws, not dropping farty ferret.. yes, he
squirts..no, douses you with pee, the towel's on your lap, even so, hot
pee-pee runs down your thigh, clean bedspread, etc. Then you hear the
familiar farty noise, and, heavens, you grab the closet thing, a large
opened envelope, to try and catch the dropping poopies inside. And the
envelope is your currrently due, well-stained electric bill.

So, how did you rate?

Oh, the life of a ferret shelter Godess.

Marlene b.

[Posted in FML 6726]