Part 3

While Sean headed off to shower, my attention was yanked over to my
oldest, a 21 one year old man, who is now begging me for a chipmunk.
Just kill me now. Kill me now! I mean what the hell kind of family is
this? Chet has asked for a squirrel/glider/chipmunk now since last
year. I've said no. He finally wore the animal lover in me down over
the summer so and I had told him that I'd "think" about it. Well now
today, of all days it all came down to this moment for several reasons
that are to long to get into. Ultimately, I gave in to him as well,
because he told me just at that very minute that the last litter of
chippies for the year with the closest breeder was NOW. Waiting another
week would mean loosing a lot of the small window of bonding time. And
if he did not act now, he'd have to wait for another five months or so.
In the middle of us throwing ideas around trying to figure out money,
travel, time off work, telling everyone he invited over for his 21st
birthday to not come, and me waffling about if I was going to let Chet
get a chipmunk at all ... a slickered up Sean randomly appeared out of
the bathroom smelling like a French whore. He walked right up to us
right smack in the middle of the chipmunk drama like nothing was going
on in the room at the time, and with his typical flat affect asks,"So,
who's driving me". I kid you not, he really did. My jaw hit the floor
while my dearest husband slid down in his chair and screamed with
laughter. He had just a minute before been frustrated and irritated to
all hell with boy boys. "What is so funny," I angrily asked. He pointed
at me and said, "your life!!" I can count him out now for any help.
You see, when it's convenient for him, our family dynamics switch to a
matriarchal one. Now, you'd think the sudden development in the jean
drama wouldn't be a big deal. Normally, I'd tell Sean to jump in a
lake and guess what? I'd tell him that for being so selfish, he's
not getting any jeans at the mall ... ever! With a combination of
neurotypical stubbornness and autistic obsession, he never gets a clue.
He still pulls this crap and pisses me off, leading to him ultimately
loosing. But he never learns. Doncha just love the rainman? But this
time I suddenly realized I'm stuck in a corner. He likes a 15 year old
(too young as she is just over 3 years younger than he) who is out of
town until the next day. Come to find in the middle of today's drama,
he was meeting another girl at the mall to shop with him who was his
age. I looked over at bizarre Chet, at a laughing Scott, and then back
to Sean. I exploded. I spiked the TV controller onto the couch that
would impress even T.O. while I let out a string of obscenities. I
realized that "had" to do this, to give in and take advantage of the
opportunity to push Sean away from this little girl.

So what was the point of my story? Oh yeah. Later that afternoon, I got
a call from Sean at the mall. "Chet, mom, I need help. Gamestop won't
let me cash in my games without an ID. That little sucker had found a
way to get extra money so that he could buy himself expensive jeans at
the mall. I've been outsmarted. Trying to buy time and foolishly hoping
he'd give up, we all gave him a hard time on the phone. But in the end
I had to go to the mall to pick him up anyway. Chet, who has been
kissing my butt for months, enthusiastically said, "I'll come with you
Momma!" (um, I'm mom). Here's comes the climax of the jean story. Sean
walked into PacSun with us following closely and curiously behind. He
passed through a store full of gorgeous clothes and made a bee line to
a rack of the plainest, cheapest looking pants in the entire store and
buys them. Chet and I fell over. These jeans SUCK. You'd think they'd
be bedazzled or something with all the fuss we went through all week.

I said to Chet .."Oh ... ma ... gawd. I'm going to have the camera
rolling when dad sees these pants. This actually almost makes all of
this worth it." The film is x-rated and unshowable. And yeah ... it
made it all worth it. Ferret.

Part 4

Now we come full circle back to the chipmunk drama ... and how I came
to find myself at Critter Camp. I suffered a double loss that day. Chet
won us over with his chipmunk request. The frustrating thing, was the
breeder was over 11 hours away and Chet never gets two days off in a
row back to back to give him enough time to drive there. Realistically,
he didn't have two days at all if he went this time. He got off of
work at 11:30 pm Monday, and had to be back by 8am Wednesday to take
a test at college. Each week was precious time lost that would make
the difference between the bond that is formed between caretaker and
animal. He had two days off, so to speak, starting less than a day
away. Further making things emotional, was the fact that his 21st
birthday fell on that very day. I don't know how we did, but we figured
everything out. Well, mostly. No amount of problem solving can figure
out how one person could drive almost 24 hours in 32 hours safely.
Lovely husband pointed to me, "You're going. He can do it, if you go. I
really wish I could go, truly (since when is he sincere about anything
regarding a kid crisis??) but I can't with work and all." Bastard! At
this point, Chet tears up! I have not been able to drive past a few
hours since my psychotic, bipolar breakdown years ago. The apparent
impossibility began to set in. At this point, not only am I sucker for
Chet's tears, but the animal lover in me was all psyched about said
chipmunk! "I'll do it", I announced. And so the plans went forward.

What a pair. A handicapped, mental case of a women driving across three
states with a goofy kid. And those that know us know that we are twins.
We are both as ditzy as Dory on Finding Nemo and are in constant fits
of giggles with life. Could this really work? It all seemed so doomed.
In desperation, I had previously put out word to ferret friends about
our sudden chipmunk adventure. I pleaded for them to help find a
breeder that was closer to us. I was checking that email until four
hours after we left, let me tell ya. One of those helpers was Beth
Randall of Critter Camp, the largest if not only exotic pet sanctuary
in the country. She informed me that she lived just an hour and a half
away from this breeder! At that time, I realized that also a short
distance away was Zoo of Zoo's Ferret Sanctuary, Kat and Tommy who are
our dearest friends, Kay Armine the breeder of my future dream ferret
and more. This SUCKS. I have to drive right by them?? Are you kidding
me? No, not kidding around. Critter Camp. I cannot let this opportunity
slip by. I just can't! Chet agreed. The pedal went to the floor and we
drove 85 mph as much as possible and only stopped to pee when we ran
out of gas. We ate piles of peanut and butter sandwiches and drank a
knock off of Coke named Rally. I will not tell you anything more about
the actual drive, because that in itself is a whole other story. But I
will tell you this ... we made it to Critter Camp!!!

[Posted in FML 6502]