It is late at night in the Sargent-Colburn house. The computer monitor
gives off its chilly blue glow into the ferret room, and all is still.
Mostly still. Two small ferrets sit shoulder to shoulder in the
hoomin's chair and look up at the monitor. One furry paw reaches out
to adjust the mouse, to click here, to scroll there. It is a strange
trick of the light that renders the albino a bit blue in the glow from
the monitor. Blue with shining eyes that are pink in the light of the
day. His companion's dark fur has only the occasional blue highlight.

In the distance, the refrigerator compressor cycles back on. The
She-dog snores. The He-Hoomin snores, a little louder than the dog.
But *he* hoes not bark and run in his sleep, or he would not be
allowed in the Big Bed with the She Hoomin.

The now blue albino leans into his companion a bit and says quietly "
'Ten Rules to a Flat Stomach?' Do you know those rules, Todd?"

Todd's free paw drops to his rather large weasel belly and he grinds
his teeth, quietly. "Obviously not. That's Spam, Hebert."

"Oh." The conversation ends for a time. Hebert senses that he has
offended, but is not certain how. He spends a lot of his life in this
condition. Finally he gathers his courage and says "Maybe you should
stop stealing the bread. I read that white bread is very fattening.
Especially when you steal, you know, the whole loaf. When the Hoomin's
don't catch you dragging it, of course."

"Of course" replied Todd, darkly. He is tired of these endless weight
tips from well-meaning friends.

Hebert's attention returns to the monitor, much to Todd's relief.
Hebert sounds out with a slowness that is almost painful to overhear
"Lll-i-pinnn-skyy." His brow furls with concentration. His ears hitch
back from the sheer effort.

"Try Edward, Hebert. Just Edward."

"Oh, yeah! That's much easier. Do you think he'd mind if I just called
him Ed?"

"Not if he's a gentleman."

"Ok...Ok...He says something about don't feed a ferret for three days?"
Hebert looked up from the monitor in shock. "Don't FEED a ferret for
three days?"

Todd looked at the post in question. He looked at it. Stared at it,
his whiskers drooping. "Ah, yeah. That's what it says. Three days."

"I'd bite him," said Hebert.

"Oh, in a heartbeat" replied Todd.

"What does Ed *want* from us, Todd?" said Hebert, with a sad, puzzled
expression.

Todd sat and thought about it. He was quiet for a long time. Finally he
said "I think he wants love, Hebert. He wants some love and attention."

Hebert turned to Todd and merely raised one eyebrow. He waited. He
could hold that eyebrow up all day.

Todd continued "But he's afraid the other hoomins will be mean to him
and he's scared so he play-bites."

"Ah...I see. I see it now" said Hebert. "Play-bites."

"Yup" said Todd, tucking his chin, and serrupticiously checking once
more to see if his belly really stuck out as much as he remembered. It
did. Damn.

"Well..." Hebert began. "Maybe I could share my N-Bones with him and
he'd be happy."

"Hoomins are more complicated than that" said Todd, flattening his
belly fur to see if that had a slimming effect. It didn't. Damn.

"Well..." Hebert began again. "How can we make Ed happy?" he asked.

"I don't know," sighed Todd, wishing his own happiness weren't so
elusive.

Fat. 
Fat. 
Fat. 

"I guess we just try to love him, quietly, and we don't let his fangs
get a good grip. He will learn."

"Ok," said Hebert. "Hey! I know!" And the blue ferret reached out to
the keyboard to type. Typing is hard for Hebert, and it took him a
long time, small pink tongue stuck out from the corner of his mouth.

MESSAGE TO ED FROM HEBERT:
"Anulos qui animum ostendunt omnes gestemus!

Todd looked hard at the message, then looked hard at Hebert. "You
can't possibly mean that."

Hebert looked a little defensive. "I know things. I may be stupid,
but I know things."

Todd hissed "You are not stupid, and NOBODY knows that!"

"Well, I do!" harumphed Hebert. And Ed will like it and be happy
and know that someone reads his posts and he will be happy and not
play-bite so much."

Todd closed his eyes slowly, and thought about munching his way
through the center of an entire loaf of Wonder Bread.

Alexandra in MA

[Posted in FML 6213]