Dear Ed-

You and I have exchanged a few e-mails, and while I would not
categorize us as good friends, I would like to think that we enjoy some
small level of mutual respect. I have frequently enjoyed your flashes
of wit, your truly off-center world view. I have told you as much.

I have also, at times, been troubled by some of your posts and I
have showed you respect by bringing my thoughts to your attention,
privately. I have made a few suggestions for "getting along" on the
FML. I thank you for taking some of what I wrote to heart. It shows
that you have an open mind, a rare commodity indeed. The power to
change ones behavior is only, apparently, granted to a few in this
world. Most people huff and puff and get angry when critiqued, in
any fashion. They do not have the ego strength to look at their own
behavior through someone else's eyes.

I have written several times over the years here on the FML about the
limitations of e-communication. So much of what we primates think and
feel is directly related to the information we get from someone's tone
of voice, the volume and intensity of our speech. It is so much harder
to interpret an e-post. Was a remark made sarcastically? Heatedly?
With intent to wound or insult? Being primates when we are missing key
points of information we "fill in the blanks." It is how our minds
strive to fashion our sense of what is real, what is happening, what
is intended.

I would like to say to you, respectfully, that some folks on the FML
(and I do not speak for the group, nor for BIG) have been upset by some
of your recent posts. It is the percieved "tone" of those posts as much
as anything that causes offense. Some feel that you have gotten into
the habit of asking provocative questions that are not really attempts
to glean information, but vieled attempts to wound, to insult. I'm
starting to wonder about that myself. Only you know the truth of this.

I would like to believe that this is not true. But only you can
demonstrate your "good faith" by giving some more thought to the
posts that you send about other FML members, their abilities, their
intentions, their competence. Even the dignity of their persons.

I do not know a lot about you. I know that you are a friend to ferrets,
and that you have a lot of experience with them. That knowledge is
valued, here. Anyone with that kind of experience has a lot to offer.
You are obviously an intelligent man with an unusual skill set. I want
everybody on the FML to be able to benefit from what you know, what you
have learned.

Please consider what I have said, and understand that I myself am not
immune to "critique" on the FML, far from it. I do not control the FML,
or BIG. I am not its ambassador, not the voice of its group consience
nor its chosen mouthpiece. I am someone who *hates* discord on this
forum, hates upset and confict of any kind. When I think of you, I do
not think of someone who needs to be "corrected", I think that perhaps
I am seeing a very bright individual having some trouble using his
"indoor voice" when he posts. By the time people are posting that they
would rather leave the group than continue to watch people struggle
with your "tone", it is clear that something is not quite right. But
it is a wrong that you can right.

Please be our friend, Ed, and let us share your experience and wit.
Please remember that some of us are very fragile, and easily hurt or
offended. We're an eclectic bunch, but our stories and experience also
have tremendous value. We are friends to ferrets. That is our common
ground. I'll sit myself in the long grass there, in the sunshine of
the Common Ground, and wait to see what happens. I have high hopes.

That said, I think that the *worst* thing that could happen here would
be for people who don't like your posts to try "ganging up" up on you
because I wrote this post. I don't want to see an FML lynching. If
you are reading this and your fingers are just itching to get to the
keyboard...please stop, and give the impulse five minutes to pass. If
you have a strong opinion please consider sending it privately. This
isn't about "Let's get Ed!" It's about including Ed. Please. Most of
us are ladies, let's show it.

Respectfully,
Alexandra in MA

[Posted in FML 6222]