Dear Ferret Folks-

This weekend my hubby and I were weekend parents again. We had my
nephew Alexander over for a night. Please don't think this kid is
dumped on the weekend, we enjoy having him over. It is a good stress
release for my sister and her hubby. It is good for Alex to see the
world through different eyes, and well...we just love him. I quietly
save all the drawings tacked up on my refrigerator. These things are
precious to me, this time is precious. Five isn't going to come again
for him. It is true, they do grow up so fast.

And Alexander knows his way around ferrets. He knows how to pick them
up properly, what games can be played with them. He also knows that
sometimes...ferrets bite. Hebert bit the tender spot between Alex's
thumb and fingers the other night. Why? For no reason. They were
playing, and as Hebert sometimes does, he got excited by the smell of
hoomin hand and he bit. He used to bite feet, too. I think the sweaty
smell of palms and the soles of feet is interesting to him. It's never
a bite in anger. I've been using a spray bottle full of tap water to
drive him away from my feet. He doesn't lunge for people feet anymore.
Now I am working on hands.

The bite did dimple his hand. I am sure it was uncomfortable. Alex was
good, he didn't pound Hebert or kick him or anything. It's hard to
describe Alexander's reaction. He wasn't angry, he was bewildered. Why
would Hebert do that? Alexander hadn't been out of line, hadn't been
treating Hebert badly, so why the bite? From Alex's point of view, he
had been following the host of behavioral rules that adults bombard
children with all of the time.

"Use *two* hands to pick up a ferret."

"Don't bring a ferret right up to your face, just in case."

"Never squeeze a ferret."

"Never throw or drop a ferret."

"Play with ferrets gently, they are very small."

"When a ferret doesn't want to play anymore, leave him alone."

There are so many rules, and Alexander didn't break any. But Hebert
bit, anyway. A small tragedy.

Alex really wanted to work out why this happened. I told him that well,
Hebert is dumb. Hebert is the dumbest ferret I have ever met. (This is
the truth.) He had no idea that he was doing something bad, and he
wasn't trying to be mean. He is still learning good habits, and he is
learning them very slowly. There is no point in being mad at Hebert.
He can't help himself.

Alex was silent for a while, absorbing all of this, rubbing the new
band-aid on the web of his right hand. He finally looked up and said
"Aunt, you need to go to Petco. You need to go to Petco and buy a
ferret brain."

He wasn't kidding, he was dead serious. He knows Petco very well, it
is where his mother buys fancy dog food for Alexander's Keeshond, Earl
Gray.

I am glad that I wasn't drinking coffee when Alexander made this
request. It would have aerolosized into a fine mist that would have
coated the child, maybe wetted that brand new band-aid. I had to
explain that no, Petco does not sell ferret brains. Hebert is stuck
with the one he has. If only such commercial purchases were available...
for a few grand we could, say, upgrade the United States Congress. If
only Wal-Mart sold a cheap but serviceable brain. How different this
country would be.

Poor Hebert. He can't help himself. He's stooooopit. Just stoopit.

Alexandra in Ma

[Posted in FML 6171]