Warning.

This posting by Edward Lipinski may be offensive to the majority of
sensitive readers who find the subject matter herein deplorable, i.e.
that icky stuff post coitally. Do not read if you are a member of the
class defined above.

If'n you got a mind to, get way down there with a good LED flashlight
and watch mother ferret easing out her kits. You'll be treated to a
surprise that you perhaps have never realized, and that is the answer
to your question of which part of the kit makes it out of the vagina
first.

Unlike me, who, at birth came out headfirst and facing downward
(phew), I couldn't understand why I had a crappy outlook for some days
thereafter, the baby ferret does not slip out of the chute nose first
or even butt first.

My very first observation of the birthing of the first kit saw me
groaning with depression and disgust at myself for having allowed
mother ferret a stolen snack of bubble gum. How she got the chewing gum
and how it switched over from the digestive tract to the reproductive
tract was entirely beyond my ken.

The first emergence was a pink bubble gum balloon about the size of a
nickel forming between the lips of the vagina and seemingly being blown
bigger and bigger as I looked on in muted horror.

Then slowly at the base of the bubble gum balloon three liquidy lumps
came slithering into view. The one lump I noticed first was the
forepaws tightly compressed against the tiny rib cage and facing
rearward. The second lump was thicker and longer than the two paws,
and as its entirety came into view I realized what a remarkable
achievement ferret birthing really is.

The kits head was folded tightly against its chest, the nose tucked in
between the upper parts of the forepaws. The head of the kit was folded
down and rearward at an angle of 90.5034 degrees relative to its normal
attitude of 16.4019 degrees above horizontal in the adult.

I pray thee not to hold me to the exact figures following the decimal
points, and I have to admit my figures may be off a bit. The 90.5034
degrees head down configuration could have been, well, maybe 90.5033
degrees, since my high school geometry protractor was so darn big, it
was comparable to measuring a drop of dew on a mosquitoes hind end
using a telephone pole as a scale. And besides, everything was
happening pretty fast after Ichi-ban Tomodachi* squirted out.

My chewing gum bubble turned out to be the nape of the kit's neck and
not a bubble gum balloon that I first saw. That kit came out neck
first. Wow! who'd thought that. I didn't.

At the risk of sounding a little exagerative here, I would compare the
natural birth of a ferret to the breech birth of a human baby, and
that's a major Owiee, perhaps for both ferret and human.

My, my, Mrs Ferret, you sure do it the hard way - or so I thought.

Apparently, after some short consideration, one could construe the
theory that cervical vertebrae are not yet hardened as they will become
in time, and - as a consequence - aid in protection to the vulnerable
head and brain of the kit by allowing that 90 + degree fold down of
the kit's chin onto its chest.

Could it be that the skin and muscles of the neck are both thicker and
larger in the top of the ferret's neck than elsewhere on the body? I
give this thought consideration after viewing the play fighting of two
unaltered and very large male ferrets, named Grunt and Groan, litter
mates given up for adoption.

I would let them free run at the local play field and watch how they
would chomp on to the other and most always chomp at the top of the
neck or the side of the neck if the top was not reachable. Facing each
other they would roll like two crocodiles in a death roll, each with a
purchase onto the other.

Upon mutual release, Grunt would retreat with barred teeth at the ready
and Groan would repeatedly charge somewhat sidewards and offer the side
of his neck as a target for Grunt to chew. They would repeat this mock
attack behavior several times during an afternoon on the ball field and
appeared to enjoy their fighting very much. Their necks were a little
red. Now and then tooth marks could be seen where they had hold of
each other and I did not see punctures nor blood on the backs of their
necks.

If you have a mix of fixed and unfixed adult males, such attacks,
shaking and rolling will be seen as the whole hob frequently attacks
the fixed male, always biting on the back of the neck, After a short
period of pseudo fighting and screaming, the fixed ferret retreats,
sometimes being pursued hotly by the hob.

It is easy to think that this behavior is typical of ferret domination.
However, one again sees the back of the ferret's neck as the target of
the oppressor. It should be obvious that the back of the ferret's neck
is likely the strongest and the most injury resistant area of the
ferret's body.

And, in summary, it appears that neck eversion from the vagina, as the
first part of the kit being born, is the most protected part of the
kit's body and offers greater survival potential from accidental injury
than any other part of the kit's body.

So, whatdaya think of that, Pilgrim?

Edward Lipinski
Ferrets NW Foundation

PS Just a quick note here to ask the two readers of my posts what they
would like to say about the pseudo paralysis of the ferret as he is
scruffed and held aloft.

Scruffing is the holding of a ferret aloft by gripping the back of
the ferret's neck skin betwixt thumb and fingers and inducing a neural
reaction in the ferret's neck nerves that results in a pseudo paralysis
of the entire ferret. Would that some one could offer an explanation
and reasons for this reaction, I'm certain we'd all be thankful.

* Ichi-ban Tomodachi. Japanese for, my number one buddy.

[Posted in FML 6277]