Hey! Where do you get the Big Q? (Quantifrolicdookmetaseine)

I asked my buddies who go to NA (Narcotics Anonymous) and they just
shook their heads. One or two *thought* they had heard a rumor about
something new moving into the market, something just called "The Big
Q." They suggested I go to the local Middle School and ask on the
playground after lunch. That's the real American drug market now,
public schools.

So I made the trip and hung out near the fence behind the school after
lunch. After about ten minutes, a shady looking little skate-punk in a
hooded sweatshirt, all of thirteen sidled over and asked me what I
needed. I said I was looking for the Big Q. He rocked back on his
basketball sneakered heels and whistled.

"Cost you plenty."

"How much are we talking here, kid?"

"Fifty a gram."

"Only fifty bucks for a whole *gram?*"

"Nooo, Skittles. (Looking at me like I was an idiot, which is how I
felt) Packs of Skittles. The stuff isn't illegal yet, so I can get
you a gram."

While I stood there looking at him, figuring out how much fifty packs
of Skittles would put me back he unwrapped a Charms Blo-Pop and tucked
it into the corner of his mouth. He switched the stick from one corner
of his mouth to the other and said "You're one of those ferret people,
ain't ya?"

"Huh?"

"Only ferret people know about the Big Q. Dookers."

I raised an eyebrow. "Dookers?"

"That's what we call you. Dookers. Let me know. I'm here every day
after the bell rings."

And he sidled back over to a little pack of skinny boys in baggy blue
jeans and enormous sneakers and hoodies and they turned their backs
on me.

Now, I think this kid is trying to rip me off. Fifty packs of Skittles?
I bet I could bargain him down to a one pound pack of Twizzlers. I sure
don't trust the little cockroach.

Can anybody help me out?

Alexandra in MA

[Posted in FML 6153]