Dear Ferret Folks-

Let's give the usual subjects a day off today, and find someone else
to hammer.

OK. It goes like this.
<Ahem.>

It has come to my attention (well, actually I heard it from my
girlfriend who heard it from her girlfriend who *swears* this is true)
that SOMEONE in Tennessee whom I WILL NOT NAME (Wolfy) because I am NOT
TRYING TO START SOMETHING (Wolfy) has started a home-based car-washing
business using sudsy ferrets that she drops on people's cars. The sudsy
ferrets scamper all over the cars and cover them with soap. Then, this
CRUEL, IRRESPONSIBLE FERRET TORTURER and please understand here that I
am NOT TRYING TO SLAM OR FLAME ANYONE (Wolfy) sprays the car and the
ferrets with a hose to rinse. Then she throws a few towels on the car
and the ferrets dive into them and jitterbug all over the car, rolling
and trying to get themselves dry. Then, in a move that both saddens and
personally sickens me as a ferret-owner and a tax-paying American, BUT
I'M NOT TRYING TO START ANYTHING, I AM ONLY CONCERNED WITH THE *TRUTH*
AND THE WELFARE OF THE FERRETS, (she beats her kids, too, but you
didn't hear it from me) she zaps each towel with a squirt of zip-wax,
and the jiterbugging ferrets then wax and polish the cars with their
tortured gyrations.

She AND I WILL NOT NAME NAMES HERE (Rebecca Stout, AKA *WOLFY*) BECAUSE
THAT WOULD BE IRRESPONSIBLE and I am not a MEAN-SPIRITED GOSSIP (Wolfy)
is making an illicit fortune at the end of her driveway with this
sign in her yard, facing the street: "Just Like Mink Car Wash, Only
Cheaper." I do not believe that she is declaring these ill-gained
profits on her taxes. Further, I believe she is using the extra income
to purchase yet *more* ferrets to abuse in this heinous manner! MY
CONSCIENCE DEMANDS that I report these dreadful facts to you, the
concerned ferret community. BUT I'M NOT TRYING TO HARM, DEFAME, OR
DENOUNCE ANYONE BY DOING SO. (Wolfy.) I AM ONLY CONCERNED FOR THE
FERRETS, THAT IS MY ONLY MOTIVE. (She slaps her husband around, too,
and puts the heads of defenseless birds in her mouth.)

Concerned in MA

[Posted in FML 5842]