Dear Ferret Folks-

Yesterday, Lori (who is wise) wrote:

>Now that it is a New Year, can we all let go of our personal gripes
and >post about our fukids, ask questions about fuzzy behaviors, help
others >with advice , and pass on new information helpful to our
ferrets? > Excellent idea! I know...how about in 2008, we include a new
posting category here at the FML? Instead of "Anonymous", which is
really very generalized in nature, let's try out "Crank", which is much
more specific. Yeah. Let's give that one a spin. I think it will be
really popular. Just a suggestion...

Anyhoo-I have a few other suggestions, assorted bits of advice and
uplifting personal reflections regarding ferretdom.

1) Buy a package of screw-in mug hooks. Attach one to your ceiling
right over a wall-mounted electrical socket. Now plug in your
cell-phone charger, run the wire up through the hook, and plug in your
phone to re-charge. It will safely hang from the hook high above your
ferret's reach, and you won't have to call yourself to find out where
the little monsters have dragged the phone with its stubby, enticing,
rubber-coated antenna *this* time.

2) Buy your doctor (or psychiatrist, I know some of you FML'ers out
there need a little extra help...It's kind of like needing to take the
short bus to school) a year's subscription to FERRETS MAGAZINE. That
way, you will always have something interesting to read while you wait
for appointments at his/her office. Trust me, the doctor will never
notice. I used to work in a doctor's office. I know doctors. Some of
us look at "Vogue" and "Elle" as more or less absorbent material that
might be good for sopping up the water coming from the base of a
wall-mounted sink that is leaking onto the bathroom floor...but I'd
rather read the tag tucked into the neck of my shirt that reads "Ladies
M. No Bleach". Again and again and again, until the doctor is ready
for me.

3) Let's plan a fundraiser...a tuition fundraiser, so that Sukie
Crandall can go back to school and *finally*, finally, become a
Vet. It's past time, don't you think? The Cents for Sukie Drive.

3) Never, NEVER, make a tub of cheese fondue for the Holidays. Think
weasels...think 10,492 Sharp New York Cheddar footprints all over your
home. Ditto the "Chocolate Fountain" for dipping fruit slices. Think
Labrea Tar Pit.

4) Never, NEVER throw anything away in your bathroom wastebasket that
you don't want to find two weeks later beneath a glass-topped coffee
table in your living room with teeth-marks in it. You thought your new
mother-in-law was giving you evil looks *before*...

5) Wanna have an evil little bit of fun? Start a rumor on the behind
the scenes FML rumor mill. Let's say, a rumor about something
completely innocuous. Canned ham. And Shelter Operators, they're always
fun to kick around. People will believe *anything* about Shelter
Operators. And see how long it takes before someone *actually* posts
about it, all angry and puffed up. Example:

"I don't want to sound critical, BUT, it has come to my attention that
certain people out there whose names I am too much of a lady to post
here have used their &)*&&^6= 501C Tax-Exempt shelter status to stock
up on Hormel canned hams, the two-pounders. Salty ham is OBVIOUSLY not
a good source of nutrition for ferrets. Ham does not form any part of a
ferret's natural diet in the wild, with or without the accompaniment of
pineapple rings and a maraschino cherry in the middle to look pretty.
Further, the ferrets could cut themselves on the sharp edges of the
can. I feel I have no other choice but to inform PETA of this
horrifying, gross, negligent outrage. But I'm not slamming anyone.
And I'm not saying who. I don't want to start something. And I'm not
saying how many cans are involved. But I have it on great authority
that we are talking multiple cans."

Oh, yeah, another year. Let the good times roll!

Alexandra in MA

[Posted in FML 5841]