If what was shared is vitally important then you can contact the
individual's ISP if you have ***proof*** of the actions. Reserve
that for something SERIOUS, though.
If what was shared isn't important just ignore it.
That may sound strange, but I have had untrue rumors started about me
quite a number of times over the years. Let's see, there was the one
that I was a CA F&G agent -- intriguing since I have spent a total of
about 2 to 3 weeks at most in California in my lifetime and was never
an F&G employee of any type in any state. One person spread a rumor
that I was spreading rumors -- very strange but those quickly ended
because there were no rumors from me (and a few people even asked me
what the "dirt" was only to hear that I had no dirt to share). Then
there was the one that I was following someone to the person's friends
and getting those individuals to be my friends (said about two people I
knew years before the other person did, and I don't tend to worry who
has whom for friends). I swear that I don't have a Tardis or a Wayback
Machine! There was the one that I was physically following around
someone who lives something over a thousand miles away from Steve and
me (AND I don't even drive, don't have any spare time, and certainly
don't have any inclination given that I have a full and very satisfying
life, nor can I astral-project myself somewhere like on "Charmed"). Oh,
and there was the one that Steve is a physician and that we live in
Canada in huge home, when I think the ferret world knows that we live
in NJ in a small condo, and that Steve is a research scientist and now
a consultant in an entirely different intellectual area. Those are far
from being secrets. You get the idea.
The only thing I took very, very seriously was when someone long ago
(in 1998) who I have been told has passed away since wrote entirely
false "updates" about the various states' progress on following the
good changes for ferrets to the 1998 Compendium of Animal Rabies
Control and Prevention. In the FML I was posting actual reports, then
that gent was taking those, changing them to make some states look
terrible even when they were helping ferrets, and carrying the contact
info given for thank you letters so that some harassing notes were
received by powerful people who had actually helped ferrets. To add
insult to injury he then signed MY name to those. Nor was I the only
person he did that to. That one did almost result in a lawsuit.
You know just what I mean: rumors happen. They just do. Many internet
groups are like small towns that way (having grown up in a small town
and having noticed that in larger communities there seems to be less
in the way of that). It doesn't much matter why some people start them;
their "why" is their own problem set to deal with except when it would
be good for two people to bury the hatchet (**not** in each other)
as I would like to peacefully do with someone who was once a friend.
Usually, it boils down to someone being very young and just needing
time, or something having become a habit (as with one family in a town
in which I grew up), or even hurt feelings that built up more and more
to a head of steam, or whatever...
Sometimes it isn't even a problem actually! Sometimes it is just a
misunderstanding of what someone said which then cumulates, like the
childhood game of "Telephone" so that when you finally hear about it
you find that something truly weird is going around about you.
Others may have been told some false things by someone else and then
gotten defensive. I have even seen flamebaiters purposely feed
inflammatory things to people trying to get them to think that they
or their friends have been victimized. In one case two people worked
together on two important rescues. Then people (probably one person
with multiple addresses) began appearing on lists out of nowhere and
insisting that the two were fighting and claiming that the two were
saying horrid things about each other. Friends of one OR the other
tended to get defensive for their friends without checking and the
whole thing snowballed till their cooperative rescues ended. To this
day I think it was the most recent hoarder they had worked to bring
to justice who did it.
Even when a person has passed rumors they still can learn, and when
they do get past that you will find that many of them have some
wonderful things to offer the world; it's just that like all of us
they are not perfect and never can be, but need to learn to put one
troublesome behavior set behind themselves. How many of us don't have
at least one troublesome behavior set to put behind ourselves? Okay,
you know the answer: we all have things we need to work on and always
will have some. Every one of us can be obnoxious in our own ways even
without meaning to be. If we were perfect we would be ferrets. ;-)
Remember that in your real everyday life the person is probably
peripheral. If it helps just sing out loud to yourself "peripheral".
That will help you let go of your anger.
As strange as it sounds, the more you ignore rumors when possible the
faster they go away. That is especially true if you do some good in
your life regularly to help others. It becomes more and more true the
more often people pass rumors about you because folks learn not only
that rumors tend to be false but also that you are often the subject
of rumors they personally have heard.
There used to be the phrase, "Where there is smoke, there is fire."
and I guess that in small towns where everyone knew each other far,
far, far, far, far (Did I remember to say "far"?) better than they do
over the internet that supposition was more valid, but when people
communicate by internet the typical rumor is false. In the two decades
plus that I have been in the ferret internet community I would guess
that the rumors that turned out to be true were probably less than 5%
of the ones encountered, so -- yes -- at least 95% of the rumors in
the ferret internet community that I have heard have been false.
The best way to end rumors: trust the people who are reading or
listening when someone else writes or says something about you because
most of those readers or listeners have good heads on their shoulders
and fair judgement, and will figure out the balanced truth -- even if
it takes a few a little longer than others -- rather than accepting
claims at face value.
[Posted in FML 5889]
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