Happy summer to all. It is warm, sunny, and a day totally off for me.
I have spent the morning caring for, cleaning up after, and playing
with the babies. I am still in my pajamas. Who am I?

I spent yesterday with a friend I have not had time to be with in 2
years. My sisters are caring for my mom this weekend to give me a small
break. As I was explaining this past week to my friend yesterday.. 
It included interviewing nurses aids, and meetings with my moms Dr.,
the horrors of the best nursing homes, 10 hour work days, and the
babies...what Particularly disturbed my friend were the stories of
how I got various cuts and scratches. You should have seen the look
on her face. And she grabbed my arm!

A week ago, I held my cat on my lap. My cat was abused and about to
be euthenized some years ago when I first saw her in a cage. She was
hissing, spitting, with fur hackled. I could not hold her or touch her.
I knew this was the animal I had been looking for for over a year as I
came to help at this shelter. She was not feral. She had no nails. They
said she bit the baby of the previous owners. My body did a fight or
flight epinephrine rush when I saw her. All the other cats there had
always been so pleasant and gentle.

As I was delicately petting the adopted cat last week , Angel came
along and crawled up my pant leg and sunk her teeth into my ankle. I
jolted, causing my poor cat to bite into my right wrist. Both areas
drew blood.

Then I was ironing, and the teensy biter Angel I recently took in
crawled up my pant leg again. I did not know who it was. But I tried
to move quickly to gently remove the fur body. My hand slipped onto
the side of the iron. I burnt my left thumb. It blistered and has been
rather a pain putting gloves on and off all day.

Two nights ago, I was playing with the little ones, and the tiny Angel
darted up in joy and leaped up onto my left wrist. She attached herself
their with her tiny body and claws (boy, is she strong) and bit INTO
the blistered burn. Uncanny. More blood.

The next morning I thought I was sitting and eating a cucumber.
Suddenly this painful scratching above my left elbow began. I could see
the skin moving and feel intense pain. But nothing was there. I thought
this was the beginning of some long term never named painful disease,
and tried to fight off the distressing non stopping discomfort so I
could get up and call an ambulence.

Then I awoke to find my other fierce one..Coco the Cannibal...clawing
into my arm. No..I was not on her. Maybe she wanted to wake me up. The
dream was so real. I cannot tell you the relief at knowing it was just
same old, same old.

It is seldom I go around without bruising or bite marks. I am just glad
I am the one who now has these beautiful, filled with life little ones.
They do not bite or claw every day. Sometimes days go by. Months have
even passed with Coco.

But the look of horror and her shudder when my friend asked me about
the marks on my arms and wrists and thumb made me so glad for all of
you on the FML. You understand.

What was so odd to me was that there was nothing in her eyes as I told
her of the hell of the loneliness and day after day boredom, and the
understaffing of nursing homes here. This past week my mother has
been very ill, and no one even hands her a Kleenex to blow her snotty
running nose, or takes her temp, or thinks coughing 3 1/2 hours
straight is something to react to, or takes her to see the Dr., or
calls us to tell us she is so weak now that she can no longer stand.
She sits in her urine with urine burns. No one ever saw the large
gash on the back of her leg. How can this be?

It is funny how I have slowly evolved to taking in these precious
little stinkers that for whatever reason are biters. I have no
children. So I can take these little ones in. No one but me would be
injured. These day to day band aids and broken skin of my life was
what baffled my friend. It is just another adventure, another day.

But the situation that I find a nightmare born in hell:Pitifully
heart breaking, and emotionally draining?

It is the reality that nursing homes here are mostly understaffed
storage receptacles for bodies...They are not facilities for people
that need a hug and maybe a nap in bed, or a Kleenex, or a cup of
tea or a walk into the courtyard ..These people do not even get
their teeth brushed or nails clipped.

It is a big deal to get the Dr. to perscribe Vitamin D and multi
vitamins. It took me MONTHS.They have nothing here in the entire
building for allergies or anaphylactic shock. NOTHING! No one sees
the fungal gross infection on my mothers right two toes. How can
that be??????????

There is no time for the overworked caregivers to listen, or to do
more than the most basic sanitary acts. Oh, who is kidding. There
is not even time for the aids to get all they need to do done.

THESE realities THESE are the things that Haunt me.

[Posted in FML 5684]