Dear Ferret Folks-

Yesterday, Kim Fox wrote:
>I have to say that I'm just a little disappointed that I've had no
>suggestions from the infamous Alexandra on handling the ferrets while
>I'm recovering from my surgery. I found myself going down memory lane,
>reading former posts from her regarding animal communications & iguana
>lashings,....yet not one smart comment has emerged from the comic
>genius of Ms. Colburn on handling the brood with one leg. Out of
>everyone, I thought I could count on you for some much needed comic
>releif. ......No pressure mind you,

Well you see, it's like this. I don't really find anything funny
in Kim's plight, and I believe that the majority of FML'ers are
enlightened enough (as most right-minded people are in this day and
age) to find nothing amusing at all about physical deformity. It's
tragic, and it should not be the subject of any crass school-yard
humor.

For those of you who did not know, Kim was born with a tiny, vestigial
third leg that hung tucked up by her belly sort of like one of those
eensy arms that a T-Rex had. It was a singularly unattractive limb,
and it was essentially useless, although she did sometimes hang her
purse from it while shopping to free her hands. Over time, she learned
to carry a ferretone bottle pinched between the big toe and the other
four, mis-shapen little ones with the thick, curved yellow nails. She
used to threaten to disembowel people with the nails just like a
Velociraptor from the Jurrasic Park movie series but in reality, the
limb was quite harmless.

Anyone who knows Kim knows that *she* is not. A sunny, trusting child,
she was taunted mercilessly for her...no...we shall not call it a
'birth defect.'

I believe the proper term now is disability. Yes, she was taunted
mercilessly, and often shunned altogether because of her disability.
The time she spent riding that special 'Short Bus' to school was
particularly cruel, the other SPED children were allowed to menace her
with virtually no supervision, and Kim still bears those mental scars.
As a result, Kim is a bit....touchy at times. Even the simplest things
that we take for granted have been trials for Kim all of her life. Even
something as simple as standing in line at the Wal-Mart, as recently
as a few weeks ago little children would point at her and ask rude
questions of their parents in loud voices. Kim, wounded to the quick,
her heart lacerated by a lifetime of this treatment would roar, turn on
the child, shake the little limb, and threaten to rip the child's guts
out with it. (That Velociraptor thing she does that I told you about.)
The security guard would often escort her from the building in
situations like this.

But now, Kim is embarking on a new life. Thanks to the generosity of
the medical staff at the Ronald McDonald House, Kim, who could not
otherwise pay for this surgery has undergone a very complicated
procedure in which the little useless limb was amputated, and her
mis-shapen hip was rebuilt. (Did I mention the life-long limp? Yes.
Sort of like a when a washing machine 'walks' during the spin cycle.)
Her re-aligned leg will be in a cast for twelve weeks! But it will all
be worth it, because now both of her remaining legs will be the same
length. No more six inch thick orthopedic shoe on one side to drag
like a ball and chain when she walks.

And the *best* part is that the surgeons let her take the teensy
amputated leg home in a clear glass jar of preservative formalin!
Yes, it's pickled in there, and if you ever visit Kim...count on it.
She will bring it down from its shelf and show it off for you. The
preservation is so excellent that you can even make out the tiny
prints on the bottom of the squished little toes!

So, Kim Fox, I wish you a speedy recovery and the best of luck with
your upcoming physical therapy, as you learn to walk all over again.
You are an inspiration to us all.

Oh yeah, don't trip on any ferrets.

Alexandra in MA

[Posted in FML 5493]