I am the husband in the "What Would You Do" posts.

While I strongly feel that the FML is not the place to air marital
differences, I feel compelled and entitled to defend my personal
character which was attacked. First and foremost, the FML should be
about the ferrets that we have all come to love so deeply. In no way do
I feel that the initial posting was airing anyone's "dirty laundry".
The sanctuary Mom was simply asking for comments and advice on a
situation that it was drawn into and probably has, or may become, an
issue for many shelters. No names were mentioned, details were given
only to paint a picture. No one was attacked. It allowed opening up a
forum for comments and suggestions from all sides of the issue.

With out question, my wife and I love the ferrets equally. I would
never intentionally try to keep her from them. We were equal ferret
parents contributing to their welfare and enrichment on a daily basis
together, until her life style change. Originally we were drafted into
our love of these little babies when her oldest son lost interest in
the two that he had for a little over a year. Ferret math ensued, 2
became 3, 3 became 5 and then 5 became 7. We lost our oldest and first
boy Spike in November 2005 to a combination of insulinoma and IBD. It
still breaks our hearts to think of all we did to try to help him and
how hard he fought for eight months to get better.

I am highly offended at being called abusive as a husband. This
connotes all sorts of ugly and horrendous images. In no way, at any
time, physically or emotionally, did I ever abuse my wife. Was I
the perfect husband? No. Did I make mistakes? Yes. Did we have
disagreements? Of course, as any other couple. My marriage was the most
important thing in my life and I attempted to show this to my wife and
work on our relationship on a daily basis. If her accusations were
true then how could she justify leaving the ferrets in my care? It is
unconceivable that I would be accused of being abusive on any level.

I brought the ferrets to the sanctuary for two reasons. She abandoned
them and left me with the care of our 6 ferrets and her 3 cats. This
was not an event but a pattern she had previously shown with her skin
kids. Before I brought the ferrets to the sanctuary I had taken care
of them by myself for 3 months. She claims that she was at the house
during the day, when I was at work, taking care of them. I know the
reality since I was the one cleaning, scooping the boxes, filling
water and food in the evening. Nothing had been done since the evening
before. Two of them had health issues that I needed help with. Since we
were selling the house, the ferrets were a issue for the showings. Not
everyone loves these little guys. Zoo offered to take them in and watch
over them. I have been at the sanctuary every weekend (except one) for
the 9 months they have been there. I have contributed 100% for the
food, meds and all expenses, with the exception of my wife's recent and
sudden donation. I have not and it was never my intention to desert
them. From the first day she realized that they were not at our house
anymore my wife knew exactly where they were and why. In the last 9
months the sanctuary and myself have encouraged her to visit them. It
was not until after the deposition two weeks ago that she has even
said a word about wanting the babies. Suddenly she wants them back and
states her intention to come and get her cages and eventually take her
ferrets back. Would you let someone in your house that stated up front
that their intention was to take something from you without your
consent? My wife has continued to take marital property out of the
house that was prohibited by the court. What would lead anyone to
believe she would not attempt to take the ferrets too?

It cannot be questioned by anyone, on any level, that Zoo's Ferret
Sanctuary is taking outstanding and loving care of these six ferrets
whose lives have been affected by a pending divorce. Zoo, I thank you
for all that you have unselfishly done for the babies and I apologize
for the unenviable position that your concern and love for them has
caused.

My wife states that she is having a hard time financially. Working two
jobs, (actually, working one night a week at another location owned by
the same owner instead of where she normally works), paying new car
loans, educational expenses and household bills. Who does not have
these issues? She stated that she is paying for 1/2 the mortgage and
utility bills for our house on top of everything. Why? Because her two
adult sons were still living here. The youngest moved in two months
after I filed for divorce and she had been gone for 4 months. As of the
first of this month her contributions stopped and her 19 and 28 year
old sons (not ours) have moved out 4 days ago. If she is having a hard
time financially why now does she suddenly send $300 in supplies after
9 months of no support for the babies at all. My wife states that it
is her intention to now take the ferrets since she will be moving into
an apartment with her two sons. If this is true, there will be three
adults, six ferrets, her 3 cats (which she still has left with me), all
in a 2 bedroom apartment. Will the management company even allow it? In
addition, with her financial strain will the ferrets receive the care
they deserve with the high expense of 6 ferrets, 2 of which are on
meds?

The real question is not what has lead to our failed marriage but what
is best for the ferrets. She has chosen to revisit an old lifestyle
and it is best for both of us to now travel our own paths. The moment
anyone takes these or any pets into their care they assume the
obligation to see that they are lovingly and well cared for the rest of
their lives. I have been responsible and made decisions that had to be
made on a timely basis. I have not run away from my marriage, my pets,
my life or my responsibilities. I have not suddenly decided to accept
responsibilities when it is now convenient for me, and blame others for
my situation and past choices.

It is tragic that it appears the justice system will have to decide the
fate of our babies. It is not fair for the sanctuary to be put in the
middle of this ugly situation. Their only concern should be the safety,
health and well being of the ferrets.

Thanks for listening to the other side of the story.

Gregg

[Posted in FML 5551]