"Hello. This is Ping is He."

"I heard a dirty hoomin rumor that we ferrets were Vegans. No! Just ask
Sukie. Ferrets are Oblate Bumper Cars. I think. Something like that.
Whatever." (Frustrated sigh, rolls eyes.)

"The thing is, we need Chlorine in our diet, an "essential amino acid."
(I looked that up!) Well...Puma did. I can't Google. There are too many
O's in Google, it makes me nervous. Anyway, Chlorine usually comes from
*animal* sources. That means, you have to steal it from another animal.
The cat is good. Cats are definitely Oblate Bumper Cars, and they are
hoarding a lot of the world's Cholrine. It's just what I'd expect from
a *cat*. They don't share. Not toy fur mice, not anything, especially
essential Chlorine, which is necessary for good vision. See? (That's
a joke.) DANG!!! Puma just bit me!!! She has no sense of humor."
(Grumbling.)

"We also need a high Visene diet, I guess to "get the red out." Have
you ever seen an albino ferret? Those guys have red eyes. They didn't
get enough Visene in their diet, and Visene also comes from animal
sources, not Vegan-type plant ones. My kibble is high in Visene, but
so is the dog's, and she can't stay awake forever!" (Wiggling eyebrows
like Groucho Marx!)

"Now, I understand that some folks worry about Conservatives in food.
Well, if you find Republicans stealing your kibble, *bite* 'em!
Conservatives can't spell, so they have names like this: the EPA, the
ACLU..."

(Puma interrupts) "Ping, PING! Those aren't Conservatives! Those are
Viscerals!"

(Looking Puzzled) "Viscerals?"

"Yes. I Googled it. Visceral. Livers, gizzards, that sort of thing."

"Oh. Well, I want those in my food."

"Me too."

"I bet lots of critters want that in their food. Is *that* what hoomins
mean by the Visceral bias of the media?"

"No, I think that was Don Imus."

"Well, he sort of looked like a chicken neck...."

"True."

"Anyway, getting back to business....nutrias."

"*Nutrias?*? Big, swimming rats that live in swamps?"

"Listen, I'm not making nutrition up as I go along here. This is
science. 'Nutrition' comes from 'nutria', big swimming rat.

"I'm going to Google this one. OK. I'm getting....Capybara."

"HEY!!! Look at that! They're Vegans!"

End
Forgive Me
Alexandra in MA

[Posted in FML 5581]