On Mar 9, 2007, at 3:00 AM, Zoo wrote: (edited to "just the facts,
ma'am")
>
>You have two friends who are husband & wife....
>After 20 consecutive days of her not coming home, he files for
>divorce.
>After two months, he brings the ferrets to you.
>For nine months, the hubby volunteers weekly, plays with the ferrets,
>and contributes financially to the sanctuary.
>In this time, the woman does email, four or five times, asking how
>the ferrets are. But she does not call, does not visit, does not
>contribute in any way.
>The divorce becomes very bitter...
>Now, after all this time, she emails. She wants to visit! She wants
>the ferrets & their cages back!!!
>What would you do?

First rule of divorce: Never ever believe what one side says about the
other. Each presents her/himself as lily-white, and each blames the
other.

It could be this woman indeed had an affair with her boss. It could
also be that this man is emotionally if not physically abusive, and
she escaped from him. We don't know.

She may love the ferrets very much, but she may be terrified to go near
them because her husband is there weekly. If he is there so often, why
did he give them up? Is he trying to lure her? As far as her lack of
support goes, if she left with nothing, she may be living at a woman's
shelter without even a change of underwear and may have nothing to send
to the ferrets.

I am not saying this is so, I am just saying you are only hearing one
side of the story.

The fact that the man seems nice is irrelevant. I have volunteered at
women's shelters, and some of the men seem to be the nicest, kindest
people you could imagine. On the other hand, sometimes the men are
indeed honestly nice guys, and the desperation of the women stems not
from any actual abuse but from the woman feeling trapped in a bad
relationship. Both sides tell the story in such a way as to appear
blameless.

The point is, you don't know. And you --and the ferrets -- are between
them.

What would I do? Treat it like a child custody case. I would let her
visit, but make darn sure that the husband is nowhere near when she
does. The failed relationship between the parents has nothing to do
with the relationship each parent has with the kids.

I would not give the ferrets up to either parent until there has been
some sort of mediation/counseling between the two, perhaps even a
divorce court decree. At this stage, there are too many unresolved
issues between them for you to conclude that because he visits and
she doesn't, he deserves custody.

Just my 2cents.
Claire

[Posted in FML 5544]