Renee called me to inform me that she might visit near Thanksgiving.
That gives us enough time to prepare for a category 5 hurricane, don't
ya think? I need to get to work fairly soon though to ensure the safety
of all.

List of things I need to do:
- Store bottles of water to drink, because if I don't she might drink
up the beer
- Lock all of the kitchen appliance cabinets because if I don't they
will be strewn all over the place and used/dirtied.
- Disconnect the stove and tell her it's gas but we couldn't pay the
gas bill and that's why it won't work. This way I don't gain ten more
pounds onto my petite self
- Lay out a copy of the most current issue of Ferrets magazine turned
to MY column, or she will read Alex's first, and I won't get first dibs
on the best and most creative praises.
- Go fill up a five gallon gas can, because last time she rolled in on
fumes and then couldn't LEAVE.
- Hide all ferret grooming products or she'll corner me into a ferret
spa day. And I'm too lazy to do that.
- Drag the $30 air mattress out of storage because she likes that
better than the fancy couch with pull out bed we bought for her and
other family that we have yet to pay off! Pray that we don't forget
and let any ferrets out while the bed is out, or I'll be out $30 and
miss the furniture payment for the bed she does NOT use.
- Have trash bags handy to collect all debris she leaves in her path,
especially all of the cool items that fall out of her car when she
first opens the door.
- Get out fishing gear, because Renee wants to show us how to really
fish. She's going to show us how to catch, kill, and gut a catfish
right on the dock and put he rednecks from Soddy Daisy to shame. I
gotta see this.
- Get out ear plugs as she is bringing her banjo and she is still just
learning. Apparently not all southerners are born wth the ability to
play "Dueling Banjos".
- Charge batteries for the digital camera because her ferrets, unlike
mine, are not boring.
- Lastly, padlock Blacky's cage because he always licks his chops at
the site of Renee's kids and thinks, "lunch". This will prevent Renee
from thinking she is a great "ferret whisperer" and trying to put them
together for the umteenth time. After having a heart attack and calming
Sean down from "ticking", then I won't have to hear, "And that's
okaaaay."

Okay then. That's a start anyway. Oh I know! Staci should come up too
so she can play cub reporter and report the natural disaster to the
FML. Sean can take a video for you guys of her standing right in the
middle of the storm and trying to overshout and report the chaos that
will be surrounding her. She'll give Anderson Cooper a run for his
money!

[Posted in FML 5726]