(Best Read In Your Best British Accent)
 
Greeting and Salutations, my name is Pandora.  I have been delightfully
skimming over the FML as of late and have noticed a rash of classifieds
for you lonely ferrets out there looking to find a mate.  Well have I
got an offer for all of you...Oh heavens no it isn't me!  With my honey
milk chocolate hair, panda markings, and simply reeking of sophistication
I'm entirely off the market for men of your...well...stature.  Anyhow
back to the matter at hand.
 
Our first lovely lady up for grabs is Angel.  Oh what a fuss she caused
when she came in with that ghastly on again off again blaze "boyfriend"
of hers Havoc, if you can even call him that, when she came in.
Uh!...caused such a ruckus.  I mean...she's a wonderful young silver
marked ferret that loves playing, foamy fries, and whatever else the
bloody hell she does while driving me simply batty...ahem...excuse me.
 
Our next lady is the lovely Rascal.  A slightly "more mature" pure white
albino ferret.  She is constantly grooming that coat of hers.  I honestly
think she may be a little vain so be sure to remove all mirrors in the
room before inviting her over or you'll never get any attention what
so ever!  I swear I have never seen someone so enraptured by their own
bloody refection!  ::clears throat::  ahem... I mean she's just lovely...
 
Our third and final lovely lady up for grabs is Stevie.  Stevie is a
fabulous dark eyed white that is something of a "free spirit" as I
politely like to call it.  (I'm not one to gossip)  But if you really
want to know the truth she spends most of her time wrecking our lovely
abode!  Just when everything is perfectly neat and tidy, to my liking,
she seems to find it necessary to throw the toys around and knock over
the food bowel.  Then if I can't find my servant at the moment I have
to spend the afternoon putting all of my toys back in their place....uh
it's GHASTLY!  I mean...so if you're a slob, you'll love her.  Oh bloody
hell....
::clears throat::
 She's fabulous just make her go away.
 
So as you can see I have three wonderful women to get rid of so that I
can have this place to myself.  I mean...  I have three wonderful women
that I need to get rid of.  Ahh!  Oh I give up...
 
Cordially,
Pandora
[Posted in FML issue 5232]