I cant believe I'm doing this again.  I cant believe I have to ask one of
the greeters to welcome my little baby girl.  She's only 2 1/2 years old.
I cant believe I'm in this place again - lost, lonliness, empty, angry...
I cant believe my little girl was taken from me.  So soon.  TOO soon.
 
Bridgegreaters, can I please ask you to welcome my little girl and tell
me how she's doing?
 
I only knew Rayna for a little over 1 1/2 years.  I adopted her and
her two brothers from the Educated Ferret back in June '04.  It was
bittersweet, I had just a few months previously lost my other girl
Brandy... she was the last of my first crew to go.  But Donna had told
me about this trio that came into her shelter, and she didnt want to
break them up.  Thats how I met them - Rudy, River, and Rayna.  It was
wonderful to have ferrets in the house again.  It was odd 'starting
over'.  Soon their little personalities developed, and I was in love.
River, he's deaf, and he was scared at first, but now he's my crazyboy.
Rudy, my sweet prince, was so gentle and loving.  And Rayna, she was my
little happy girl.  Always had a dance in her step, and dooking a song
in her heart.  She would just wander around, dancing it up, and dooking
your ears off.  Such sweet music to my ears.
 
The two boys were 2 years old, and Rayna was only 1 year.  I've adopted
young this time, I'll have lots of time with them.  Many years.  Their
only babies.  Wrong.  I lost Rudy last January.  I only knew him for 6
months.  He died from bone marrow cancer.  Bone marrow cancer.  I still
cant believe it.  So harsh and so wrong for my sweet prince.
 
Here I am again, a year later, and my baby girl is sick.  Finally its
confirmed, its lymphoma.  Its spreading so fast, my Vet thinks it could
be the juvenile form.  I decided to try her on chemo.  She was doing
pretty well on it.  She started dancing again.  I cant tell you how great
that was to see her dancing and playing again.  Just one day, all of a
sudden, she's up and about like she's her old self again.  I cant
describe how wonderful this was to see.  My girl is happy again and
playing again and loving life again.  Then she stopped.  She went back
to sleeping alot.  We tried a few things with her, and she was doing ok.
We were waiting for the chemo to do its duty.  Then Sunday, things didnt
look right.  Brought her back to the vets again, and they admitted her.
Ran some tests, and she had fluid buildup in her lungs.  Tested that,
it was the damned lymphoma.  They tapped her chest and tried her on a
different chemo drug.  And we gave her some time to see if it would help.
But it didnt.  On Tuesday nite they discovered a mass in her lungs.  It
was spreading no matter what they tried.  Her doctor is right - its evil.
Lymphoma is evil.
 
My Rayna girl was such a fighter.  She fought SO hard.  She was such a
brave girl.  It reminded me of the time I took the ferrets to the MaFF
frolic, and they had their ferret playground there.  Rayna is on the
petite side.  She could have been one of the smallest ones there.  But
she wasnt takin' nothin' from nobody... she bit those boys right in the
butt if they got too rough with her.  She showed them.  Dont mess with
me... 'momma, I just met them and they's was gettin' a little too
frisky.' But dont get me wrong.  Rayna is sweet.  Sweet as can be.  Happy
as can be.  And a beauty.  A little cinnamon fluffball.  She loves to
play.  God she brought such joy, watching her dance and listening to her
chitter-chatter away.  My happy girl.
 
And I think its going to last.  These happy times are going to last
forever.  Then suddenly, my baby's in the hospital, and I'm driving there
to... let her go.  I got there and asked for a few minutes alone with my
baby.  I had to tell her everything, make sure she knew everything and
that I didnt leave anything out.  How much I love her and how lucky I was
to get to meet her.  And give her a few more kisses.  And I told her Rudy
will be there to take care of her now.  And she can dance again and be
happy again.  And she was such a strong fighter.  Stronger than I wouldve
been.  And she started to squirm a bit in my arms, and I thought, maybe
she's still fighting..  I have to question the doctor one more time.
And then she took some big gulps of air.  And she died.  Oh God what
did I do.  I just wanted a few more minutes with her.  How do you say
the final - 'I'll see you later' ?  I put her down and went to get her
doctor.  He was on his way back in the room.  What did I do?  I didnt
want her to suffer.  She died.  I didnt want her to suffer any more than
she had to, and look what I did.  These last few moments and look what I
did.  I wanted it to be as peaceful as possible for her.  I'm so sorry
baby.  The vet gave her the injectable just to be sure.  What did I do
to her these last few minutes?  My brave strong girl waited for me.  She
waited for me to get there.  I just didnt know it would happen that
quick.  I'm so sorry baby girl.
 
Please Bridgegreaters, please tell her Momma's so sorry.  I'm sorry for
the last few minutes.  I'm sorry we couldnt cure her.  I'm sorry she had
to go thru this.  I'm so sorry she got so sick.  I'm sorry we didnt have
more time together.  This isnt fair and its not right what happened to
her.  Please tell her, someday, we will be together again.  Everybody
loves her.  Please tell her to dance and sing again and be happy.  Tell
her we all miss her so much.  River and Diti miss her so much.
 
I'm sure my sweet Rudy was there to greet her.  I know he's taking such
good care of her.  I know he's introduced her to the rest of the gang:
Brasco, Ben, Tracker, and Brandy.  Please Bridgegreeters can you tell
me how she's doing?  Can you tell me how her reunion with Rudy went?
 
Rayna I hope you know how much I love you sweet girl.  I miss you baby.
 
-Momma Andrea
[Posted in FML issue 5191]