Dear Sandee,
 
Four months ago, the day my Obi died, we went to the local pet store
because I wanted to hold new life in my hands.  I walked in, found the
ferret cage and saw that there were three kits in there.  I picked up the
smallest one, a little cinnamon girl, and held her close and cried.  She
was so tiny, and I could feel that tiny heart beating and, as she lay in
a small curl in my hand, she opened her eyes long enough to see what was
going on, looked at me, yawned and proceeded to get nice and comfortable.
 
My husband walked up to the counter and told them she was coming home
with us.
 
On the way home I asked her what her name was.  I do this with all of my
fur kids, and unless they have come to me with names already given, they
usually tell me.  This little honey girl told me her name was Autumn....
and she looked like it too.  Soft cinnamon colored fur, mixed with hues
of auburn and vanilla, a lovely baby pink nose, with milk chocolate hints
around her mask and ears, she was so beautiful.  She reminded me of
autumn's long ago, when my dad was still living, and he would rake the
leaves into one large pile and let me fall back into them.  That sound of
crunching leaves, that smell of burning wood in the air, that crispness
that is promising of winter soon - all of that I could see in her, and
that she would help fill the hole that Obi had left behind.
 
We soon discovered she was not only a ferret, but part mountain goat and
Spiderman to boot, as she would scale the heights of our wing back chairs
and effortlessly run across the row of pillows on the couch.  She would
flatten herself to get under the stove and go to sleep in the baking
tins.  I would often find her in there, asleep, and ask if anyone wanted
an Autumn muffin.  She gave these wonderful, soft, sweet kisses that
would make me smile for hours, because only my Pi' O Pa would give me
kisses before and now I had two who could and I felt deeply honored and
blessed each time I would get a fur kid kiss.
 
She was very patient when I would pick her up, and instead of squirming
to get away and play, as most baby's do , she would allow me that little
bit of time to cuddle, love and admire the gift of her, and then one day,
four months and 9 days later, she was gone.
 
Three months into her life here - five months of her brand new life -
she got sick.  I took her to her regular vet, and they said "allergies",
three weeks after that she went to another vet, and she said "aplastic
anemia" - but was holding out for a really bad viral infection - well
ALL were holding out for that latter one.  She was on so many different
medications, and being force fed food and water every every 4 to 6 hours.
I carried her with me from room to room so I could keep an eye on her,
finally I set her up in my bedroom and watched, as this beautiful,
vibrant, fur child of mine, began to gain some life back, we were
hopeful!  She played with me, she war danced, she groomed her beautiful
fur, we played hide and seek and she cuddled up next to me and went to
sleep.  The next morning she was gone.
 
Such a short life, I felt she that she had been robbed of all of the
things she so rightfully deserved and that 6 months was not enough time -
but it was, in some ways, it was enough time for me to fall in love with
her, enough time to know I had made the right choice in brining her home
to be a part of family, enough time to know that I would do it all again,
just for a chance to have her be a part of my life.
 
I heard a Seals and Croft song, the day she passed away, and had to
wonder, if just maybe, she was trying to tell me something..
 
So, I wanna laugh while the laughin' is easy.
I wanna cry if it makes it worthwhile.
I may never pass this way again,
that's why I want it with you.
'Cause, you make me feel like I'm more than a friend.
Like I'm the journey and you're the journey's end.
I may never pass this way again, that's why I want it with you.....
 
 
Sandee, I cried because she made it worthwhile.  Look out for her, won't
you, she is so small and so young, and I am afraid that she will get lost
along the way to the Bridge, make sure her brother Tisha finds her and
introduces her to everyone and looks over her, and make most certain she
gets to meet Obi - because his loss brought her into my life and I want
them both to know, ALL of them to know, how deeply I still love and miss
them.
 
Thank you Sandee for everything you do for the grieving, we really do
appreciate it greatly,
 
Love & Light,
Sandy - and then we were four.
[Posted in FML issue 5214]