I am writing you all to bear the news of the inevitable.  Before I say
anything further, let me remind people that what I'm about to tell you
is very hard, but also a natural thing (to a degree).  As a dear friend
pointed out to me, in an ironic way it is even a blessing.
 
Two months ago, Rocky was at a routine vet visit when the doctor asked
Sean to leave the room.  My husband, Scott, and I sat in shock as we
learned that Rocky was diagnosed with lymphoma.  Sean does NOT know.
Rocky is currently being treated with pred to make him comfortable for
his remaining time, and for today ... he is okay.
 
I am not okay.  But I will be.  I can't tell you how was difficult it was
to pull myself together before that little boy returned to the room with
us.  It was excruciating to keep this news private.  But we had to keep
it us (my husband and I) for at least a week.  We had to digest what was
going on and to also make some very difficult decisions for the future.
We did not tell a soul about this and it ate me up inside.  I couldn't
even physically say the word lymphoma or cancer for quite a while because
it was so upsetting.  And it was nearly impossible to look at Sean each
day.  Thank God he is autistic and didn't even notice my lack of eye
contact.
 
Later on, I was able to tell a few friends this past month and that
helped me a little.  I had to keep this very private until now as I could
not risk someone slipping to Sean while I was trying to work through this
with him.  I also wanted to "escape" when I went to the symposium.
 
I've made the decision to tell you all, as so many of you have been such
great supporters over the years and so very caring of my son and his
ferret.  As I am gradually getting through to Sean, I am witnessing quite
a stunning process and growth with him.  I want to share it with you all.
Maybe it will help someone with their child someday?  Or maybe it will be
interesting to see how an autistic child deals with this?
 
We've made the choice to not "label" Rocky's condition with the black
word of cancer.  He is 6 1/2 after all, so we have been bringing to
Sean's attention that Rocky is very "tired and old".  For two months
we've been gently discussing age, death, etc..  I won't sugar coat it,
at first it was very, very rough as he would not face the subject.  It's
been a daily process for us, and I'm very relieved to tell you that we've
made huge strides with him.  We've even been able to go as far as to Sean
making some decisions.  He does not want another ferret right now, but
wants to wait until Rocky is gone.  He wants to stay for the
euthanization and is demanding the entire family be in the room.  He
wants him cremated (how he even knew about this is beyond me).
 
I really don't know what else to say, but to leave this on a very
positive note.  This IS a blessing.  How many people find out that their
time is limited with a loved one so that they can prepare?  How many
people get to see their loved one live out their life span?  How many
people get to see their loved one live a life time without disease or
injury?  I'd like you to remember that this couple has grown up together
without incident, enjoying the purity of love.  As another friend put it
to me, maybe Rocky has yet one more lesson to teach Sean.
 
Wolfy, mother to Sean and Rocky
http://wolfysluv.jacksnet.com
[Posted in FML issue 4868]