Dear Ferret Folks-
 
I had this ferret named Don't, sister of No.  No died early, probably
due to no vet care, and a diet of cheap cat food before we rescued her.
Don't was free range in an enormous farmhouse in Connectticut.  She
discovered the WARM SPOT.  The WARM SPOT was a wonderful thing generated
either by sofas or chairs or by their occupants.  Cats, dogs, humans,
whatever.  Don't lusted after that pool of toasty heat left behind when
the occupant of a sitting place stood up and left.  Her quirk was
learning to...um...assist the occupants of those sitting places to leave
them so that she could bask in their WARM SPOT.
 
At first, she would only scoot into the spot you just left behind if you
got up for some reason.  You would come back, and the chair was no longer
your own.  There was a tiny, less than a pound she-ferret determined to
hold her new territory at any cost.  The cat and the dog recieved the
same treatment.
 
Then, she realized that she could *bite* the cat or the dog on the ass
and she could *steal* their WARM SPOT for her very own, which she did,
frequently.  It got to the point where she she would merely stand in
front of them, and basically say "ahem", and they would move aside,
grudgingly.  It was amazing watching the 45 pound dog slink away,
soundlessly.
 
Then came the day when she decided to take on the hoomins, all of whom
outnumbered her more than a hundred to one, but she was not intimidated,
not Don't.  For some reason, she started out with our friend Laura, at
six feet and one hundred and sixty pounds.  Laura was sitting in our
yellow sofa, and became aware of a really peculiar sensation behind her,
at the small of her back.  It was Don't, trying to PUSH Laura out of her
WARM SPOT.  No way, No how.  Laura was Not Budging.  Laura was outraged,
and said a lot of bad words, while we all laughed.
 
Don't then shifted position in the little gap behind the small of Laura's
back to get better traction.  She put both right paws on Laura's back,
and both left paws on the sofa, and pushed, straining for all she was
worth.  Her little eyes screw shut, fang showed.  Laura just cursed some
more, and did Not Budge, We all laughed harder.  Don't, now REALLY MAD,
tried again.  This time, she turned so that both front paws were pushing
against Laura's back, and both back paws were planted against the sofa
for leverage.  A HUGE, trembling, heaving push from Don't... and Laura
did Not Budge.
 
Don't finally hopped down, with no WARM SPOT, I swear she spit on the
ground like an angry gunfighter, and fixed Laura with a death-stare while
Laura continued to curse and we all held our sides and rolled laughing...
 
Don't never did learn to steal the WARM SPOT from the hoomins on demand,
but she did make that one, noble try.
 
Alexandra in MA
[Posted in FML issue 4857]