I always tell anyone who asks that owning ferrets is like having
three-year-olds.  And with ten "three-year-olds", it can get pretty
nuts.  If you come to my house, you hear stuff like:
 
"Get down offa that!"
 
"Quit chewing on that!"
 
"So, you got up there.. well, now what?"
 
"Get that outta your mouth!  That's nasty..."
 
"Stay outta my room!  This is my room, dammit.  No poo."
 
"Why do you hide just ONE shoe?  And where's the damn insole?  Well, not
by the shoe, that's for sure..."
 
"How did THIS get teethmarks?  SOB... When did I leave this out?"
 
"Don't you have anything better to do than to make a mess?  Quit looking
 at me..."
 
"I swear to god, I don't know why we had ten kids."
 
"Everyone else likes bananas, why don't you like 'em?  Well, we don't
 have any more turkey, so tough."
 
"You're not supposed to be in there - and you know it.  Quit looking
 at me."
 
"Bubbles was just here, and she didn't get anything either, so quit
 pawing my leg."
 
"THERE'S the litter box.  Go right th... no, not there.  It's just
 two inches away, for Christ's sake.  And quit looking at me while you
 do it."
 
"Knock it off.  Go bother mom."
 
"Dad has some steak.  Go bother dad."
 
"Geezus, what's all that noise?  What are you guys into now?!"
 
"Geezus, it's too quiet.  What are you guys into now?!"
 
"Hey, I can dry my own self off, thanks very much.  Quit it, I said - it
 tickles!"
 
"Wet, are ya?  Well, you wanted in here.  This IS a shower, you know, not
 a weasel water fountain."
 
"Can I get something to eat all by myself?  Get your head outta the
 fridge."
 
"Cold, ain't it?  You better be glad I came back for my soda.  I told you
 to get outta the fridge.  You don't even like celery."
 
"How'd you get in there?"
 
"How'd you get outta there?"
 
"Before we go out to dinner, honey, we need to put the ferrets up.  OK,
let's see.... one, two.... hmmm.... three... three, there's gotta be more
than three... ah, four... five, six, wait... that's seven, I didn't see
him under the other one... seven, wait, I thought the last one was seven,
this makes eight.  No?  OK, again... one, two, three, four... uh, five...
six, seven.... finally, eight.  Alright, two more to go.  Ah, dangit, why
did you leave the cage door open?  Whatta mean I did it?  OK, again, one
two three four five six, uh... seven... eight.... oh there you are,
nine... OK, one to go.... hmmmm... dangit.... honey, I can't find her.
Did you check the bedroom?  I'll check the bathroom... hmmm, no weasel
here.... let's see, in the fridge... do we have another ferretsicle?
Nope.  Honey, any luck?... OK, I'll go look outside, just to make
sure.... nope, nothing out there 'cept crickets... honey, did you check
the kitchen?..  I'll go check the... oh, you found her?  Where was she?
In the cage?  Christ.  I thought you checked the cage.  No, I didn't
check the cage, obviously.  I swear to god... Under the blanket?  Why
would I check where you just checked?  How about YOU checking under the
blanket next time.  No, I don't feel like going out to dinner now,
either.  Oh, shut up..."
 
Roary
Albuquerque, NM
[Posted in FML issue 4875]