All day yesterday I was feeling guilty because Bubbles made it and Dozer
didn't.  I had swapped emails with Joanne about Dozer.  I went to the
website memorial and I saw how big and strong Dozer looked.  I can only
imagine how she feels.  I wish Joanne time and healing.  And I think
again to the relief I felt in finding Bubbles, and I feel guilty all
over again.  But it's not guilt at all.  That's not what it really is.
Sometimes we attach the wrong emotions to things.
 
Here on the list we share our joy and grief.  You can't just share one or
the other.  I shared my grief of losing Bubbles and I got an outpouring
of well-wishers, stories, and ideas on how to find her.  Everyone shared
my grief, in many different ways.  And when I found Bubbles I got as many
replies from people who shared in my joy, in just as many different ways.
So I see it differently now.  I no longer call what I feel "guilt."
That's not what it really is.  It is not a one-way emotion.  It's just
part of what we all go through here.
 
I am glad Bubbles made it home.  One day she'll leave us.  Maybe she'll
get lost again, maybe she'll get sick, or maybe she'll just die of old
age.  But she'll leave, eventually.  All of my ferrets will eventually
leave me.  The people who have shared in my joy will then share in my
grief.  That's what we do here.  I want to say I enjoy being here, but
"enjoy" is not the correct word.  I want to be here.  I don't always
enjoy it, not reading posts of the horrors ferrets go through sometimes,
but I do read them.  I need to read them.  Without my reading of these
posts it would as if these ferrets didn't even exist.  They do exist.
With us.  We become bigger than the sum of our parts.
 
I have been getting emails about Bubbles constantly.  I want to say how
fortunate I am that this community exists.  Thanks to everyone for what
they do; the greeters, the guardians, the medical people, the shelters,
BIG, everyone who participates and makes the heart of this place beat.
You're more important than you might know.
 
Roary
Albuquerque, NM
[Posted in FML issue 4806]