With all due respect to our learned friend Bob C.'s exhaustive research
into the origins of ferret domestication, I am afraid that he, like many,
has missed the alternate, and frankly, a little frightening implication
of the term "Ferret Domestication."  It is not that ferrets have been
domesticated, no no no.  Although that is an interesting question in its
own right, as Bob has so kindly demonstrated over the last few days.
 
My interest (I should say growing concern) is with the ferrets ongoing
attempts at domestication.  Domestication of what, you might reasonably
ask.  Why, the domestication of *us*, of course.  Their ongoing attempt
to breed a human sub-species totally devoted to the comfort and survival
of mustela furo.
 
Is this merely another conspiracy theroy?  You be the judge.
 
Fact: Selective breeding by means of Ferretus Interruptus.  Remember
those times when you put Barry White on the CD player, and got out that
special bottle of wine you were saving, and that special little black
lace frilly thing from Victoria's Secret?  You had nearly accomplished
your mission objective when all of the sudden, a weasel appeared beneath
the covers and started playing "Bite the Toes."  It was no co-incidence.
It was a deliberate attempt to manipulate your reproductive behavior.  In
some cases, it was an attempt to limit the availability of an undesirable
reproductive partener, one who lacked certian genetic traits that might
predispose any offspring from your union to fail to cherish cute little
ferrets and to devote a large portion of the household income to their
care, by scaring that undesirable partner half to death
 
Fact: The Attraction to Cute Little Hats.  It is known to Mustela Furo
that certian human genetic traits that will ultimately prove of use to
our ferret overlords are found on the same chromosome as, of all things,
the attraction to cute little hats on animals, especially sombreros.  By
flooding pet store ferret sections and ferret-interest publications with
cute little hats for sale, mustela furo can easily identify which humans
carry the desired chrosomal material, simply by noting which humans
bought the cute little hats.  Yes, it is a short term sacrifice to sport
a cute little hat, but it serves an inportant long term goal, so the
ferrets wear them with only token protest.
 
Fact: Have you ever noticed that **RIIIIIIIP SQUEEEEALLL!!!**
HUMMMMM...................
 
THIS IS A MESSAGE FROM THE FLO, THE FERRET LIBERATION ORGINAZATION.
NOTHING HAPPENED HERE.  YOU FEEL FINE.  RETURN TO READING THE MANY FINE
INFORMATIVE POSTS BROUGHT TO YOU DAILY BY THE FERRET MAILING LIST.
 
Alexandra in MA (Hey, you weasel punks!  Gimme back my keyboard!!)
NOTHING HAPPENED HERE MRS.  SARGENT-COLBURN.  YOU FEEL FINE.
[Posted in FML issue 4731]