Dear Hurricane Lily (das an awesome name by the way),
 
My name is Dippy doodles.  I'm my daddy's "precious", and my mommys'
"serendipity".  And I'm da only girl in my house.  I had seven brudders
at one time.  Let me tell yah what.
::Holding up the paw and counting off toes::
Dey stink.  Dey nasty.  Dey very, very stupid.  Dey move everything and
make messes.  Dey fall in da poo.
::Holding up second paw::
Dey bonk their heads on everything.  Dey wipe der penies every where.
Dey too rough.  Dey pigs with da treats and food.  And dey ... well,
their just very, very stupid.
 
Let me tell ya how to deal with em.  Dis is what I do.  Ya can't beat em
with size.  So you have to be smarter and quicker than dem.  My favorite
thing to do in the whole wide world is to bite em on da butt.  Better
yet, ya know that fleshy area behind da back thigh?  Right THERE.  You
attack from behind.  But you have to resist the urge to latch on or work
on the leg like a piece of chicken, and just bite once den run.  Nip and
run, nip and run.  Bark when you do it, then dash into a tube.  It drives
em nuts.  If you have to, turn around in the tube and come back at them
for a front attack.  They usually can't turn around quickly enough cause
dey big stupid boys.  Next, you might wanna take bronco busting lessons.
I was a natural so I not have to.  But lots of girls do, and use it to
their advantage.  I mean these boys might as well be good for something I
figure.  Oh yeah, dey make really mushy mattresses.  So dats cool.  Take
advantage of that.  But also know there are risks.  Ya come out all
smelly like dem if ya sleeps with em.  ::Wiping off the testosterone from
my shoulder with distain, and walking away::
 
Dippy
http://wolfysluv.jacksnet.com
[Posted in FML issue 4846]