As our scene opens, we are in Bill Clinton's home in Chappaqua, NY.  The
rooms are empty, still, but for one.  On the massive kitchen island,
Switch the Kit and Hurricane Lily are seated up to their chests in a big
Tupperware bowl of digging rice, as if they were lounging in a hot tub.
Both have teeny little towles draped around their necks.  Both look
superbly relaxed, and pampered.
 
Former President Bill Clinton, who now has nothing better to do than sit
in his Library in Arkansas, or attend yet another paid prayer breakfast
appearance at a mall in Kenosha, has one of Lily's little paws in one of
his hands.  He delicately buffs her claws blunt with a nail file held in
his other.  He has tried to find interests to fill the empty hours while
Hillary is away in Washington D.C., and Chelsea is off persuing her
own interests, and he has found to his surprise, that he quite enjoys
ferrets.  He is completely absorbed in his task.  The file makes quiet
"skritch-skritch-skritch" sounds.
 
Switch: "I'm still trying to understand, Lily.  I wrote it down on the
back of this Chinese fortune cookie paper.  (Aside)  Will you hand that
thing to me, Bill?"
 
Clinton: " Hol' on little lady, I've got it around here someplace."  (He
picks up the little slip of paper that we could not see before, because
it was on the island behind the Tupperware bowl of rice, and hands it to
Switch.)
 
Switch: (Pulling both paws put of the rice to hold the little paper)
"Thanks Mr. President."
 
Clinton: (Corner of tounge out of mouth while he works on Lily's littlest
claw)  "Sure thing."
 
Switch: "O.K. Here is what it said in the FML yesterday:
 
The list is of documented problems, injuries or deaths, not just
accidents as you state.  I never said choking on kibble was in the top
10 list of causes of death.  I said "choking on kibble (in the top 10
list of accidental injuries/deaths)".
 
Lily listens to this very carefully, her brow furrowed in concentration,
but she can't imagine how to respond to this.
 
Switch:" So...garking on kibble should logically be classed as both an
accidental injury, and as a cause of death."
 
Lily: (Shuddering so that a little rice falls out of the bowl)
"Heeeeee..."
 
Switch: "But that completely overlooks the issue of whether or not it is
a (quote)'documented problem'."
 
Clinton:(Laying down the file, holding up Lily's paw, and turning it this
way and that to get a good look at his buffing job)"  It depends on what
the meaning of the word 'is' is.###"
 
Alexandra in MA
 
###Bill Clinton,
during his 1998 grand jury testimony on the Monica Lewinsky affair
[Posted in FML issue 4787]