Dearest Sandee
Another fert baby has broken my heart and I only had her two days!  Late
Thursday night as I was at the shelter helping Julianna, I kept looking
at this little albino girl, What a cutie she was!!  .Her name was Emmy.
I asked Juliana about fostering her.  I was told that this little furry
angel had insulinoma and needed daily meds.  That didn't even make me
blink as I have taken care of insulinomic ferts before and for and for a
long period of time.  So..... I brought little Emmy home with me to spoil
her rotten.  We rocked, we enjoyed those little shoulder and neck rubs.
And oh, oh those gentle rubbing behind her ears, her little eyes would
close in sheer & total contentment.  Yup, she was getting happier &
happier, and more and more spoiled by the minute Later that evening,
(Friday) Emmy had a nice warm bath.  She didn't seem to mind it one bit,
in fact she seemed so relaxed, and contented.  After she got all dried
off, I wrapped her in a nice , soft warm blanket and we rocked and rocked
for a good while.  I looked forward to our future together.  Saturday
rolled in with a comfortable feeling that Emmy was doing alright here in
my zoo(6 other ferts and a dog!).  They never met each other, but I know
she was smelling them.  Her little nose and whiskers were going 90 miles
an hour!  My feeling of serenity was soon to be a thing of the past.
When I got Emmy out of her circular sleeping hammy in the morning ,she
stayed in that position.  It took a bit to wake her up, Although I had
only had her for a short time, I knew she wasn't right, but she ate her
mix of food and pred with no problems at all.  I thought maybe her bg
level was low.  I set her down to walk around & get some exercise .The
feeling of fun that I expected to have watching her sniff things out,
was soon replaced by a feeling of dread.... Emmy flat ferreted.  I knew
that this would be the beginning of a very long day as I felt my self go
into worry mode.  Later that day, into early evening, the feeling of
dread only escillated.  later that night, when I put Emmy down again that
was pretty much it,.  She got up once or twice and toddled around, then
flattened again..  I knew this was nothing close to what a ferret with
insulinoma that was under control should do.  Well, I tried to give her
the benefit of the doubt.  I put her back to bed thinking....well, maybe
she's just more tierd than "normal"(since I really didn't know what HER
normal was, I just based it on my ferts sleep patterns) Besides....on top
of being a sleepy fert, she was a sleepy fert with insulinoma.  Later ,
on this same night, I picked her up and just rocked her for awhile.  She
looked around and seemed interested in her surroundings.  Her breathhing
rate had a little increased from earlier but I just thought this was
because she was excited at being in her new home.  I WAS WRONG.  At
about 9:00pm or so, I picked up that precious little girl to give her
her med/food mix.and noticed her breathing had become somewhat labored.
Still, she ate all of her food, no problem.  When she finished, It put
her up on my shoulder to talk to her, and walk with her.  Her breathing
seemed a little better.  Around 10:00 we sat on the couch to watch tv.
She sniffed around then fell asleep.  I was beginning to get very
worried at this point.  I put her in her bed because I had to let my
ferts out to play.  I kept an eye on her, still feeling uneasy about Emmy
as she slept.  I kept checking her as my kids played.  It was time to
put my darlins to bed.  That always takes a 1/2 hr or so to find them in
thier secret hiding places.  Everyone was sleeping soundly, even Emmy but
her breathing concerned me.  I hurried to get a shower & change into som
ething more comfortable as I was pretty sure this would be a long night.
It was nearly midnight by then.as I hurried back to Emmy.  As soon as I
picked up that precious little girl, I knew that the time for me to
stop pretending that some thing seriously wasn't wrong had come.  Her
breathing was noticeably labored.  I gave her my usual "steam in the
bathroom" trick, but it didn't help.  It was now 1:00am or so.  Never
having had a foster kid before, I wasn't sure of the protocal for
bringing in a sick ferret to the emergency clinic, but by this time it
didn't matter.  I threw my clothes back on, wrapped that little girl in a
baby blanket, put her in my carrier and rushed to the emergency vet.  As
I was checking in, I told the receptionist she was having trouble
breating.  They immediately wisked her to the back for oxygen.  X-rays
were taken ,blood work was done, and I waited & I waited..............
for what seemed like eternity.  I kept thinking, please let it from
stress from coming from the shelter to my house.  Or even pnuemonia, I
could handle that.  What I could not handle was the awful news the Dr.
had for me as she entered the room.  The tumors from her in sulinoma had
become so large, they were pushing on her lungs compromising her br
eathing.  I prayed, I hoped, I crossed all fingers and toes but it didn't
help.  The words I didn't want to hear came crashing in my ears.  "There
is really nothi ng we can do for her" I called my shelter Mom, Julianna.
In tears I informed her of what was happening.  I needed her..... I
didn't wan't to, I could'nt make that decision alone, even though there
was no decision to make.  The vet tech brought Emmy back to me so we
could have a little time before...... It was then I could see just how
much difficulty she was having with her breathing.  She had been in an
oxygen "tent" for a while, but now, being off of the oxygen, she was
really having trouble.  I told her how sorry I was that we didn't have
more time together.  I knew it was probably not going to be for very long
but I NEVER thought it would be for only two days.  I think I loved her
for the moment she looked at me.  When we would rock, she'd get the
cutest look, like, Oh yeahhhhhh, this is gooodddd.  I never knew it was
possible to lo ve a ferret so deeply, so quickly.  Maybe that's the way
it's always been with every ferret I've had the priviledge of having.
I've just never had a ferret that I loved so deeply taken from me so
quickly.  Emmy was special.  She had such a sweet look in her eyes.  It
made her whole face so pretty.  She would stare at me sometimes with this
contended look, peaceful look.  She still had that look right up to the
time it was time to go.  And so, in the early hours of Sunday morning I
told Emmy about the Rainbow Bridge.  I told her how so very much I love
her now and always will.  .  I loved every second we shared together a nd
I thanked her for the time we shared.  And as she left this Earth I said
good bye to one very special little girl named Emmy, who now breathes
easily as she r omps with her new friends up at The Bridge.
[Posted in FML issue 4649]