Dear Ferret Folks-
 
This is Switch We got great things for Christmas, like a warm, cozy
nesting box with five feet of galvanized metal dryer hose for an
entrance.  (Hee-hee he heee-he he hee.)  Oh yeah!  Lily says we also got
a rice digging box, and that's her favourite, but she wants it bigger.
Someone please e-mail our Hoomin and tell her.
 
The real reason I'm writing you guys is because we have a problem.  A
new roomate.  She lives in our closet.  The hob Hoomin got her for for
the jill Hoomin.  She says her name is France, and she is a 'Fricken
Pigmy Hedgehog.  She looks at us through the plexiglass and huffs and
puffs and glowers at us through her eyebrow spikes and says "I het yooou,
yoooou haff noo culture, you are American savagesssss." (He he-hee hee-he
he HEE hee.) Yeah, like Lily says, she hisses this stuff about how "
I wissssh yooou to choke on a Freedom Fry an' DIE." We've told her we
don't eat FRENCH FRIES, we eat FOAMY FRIES, and we aren't AMERICAN, we
are EURASIAN POLECATS.  (He Hee-he hee heee.) Yeah, Bob Church says so
and he's way smarter than any 'Fricken Pigmy Hedgehog.
 
Anyway, Lily and I are, ah, giving her away.  To a good home only.
(Hee-he.) Of course.  She comes with a water bottle and a food dish
and ...um...some stuff we can't see inside her sleeping box and a
running wheel.  Please come GET HER.  (Hee Hee-he) Soon.  Very soon.
Please don't bother our Hoomins with this.  They are very tired out
after the holidays.  We have opened up a post office box where you can
reach us.  Really, no need to contact our Hoomins.  Let them rest.
 
Switch and Lily Colburn
P.O. Box 901
Sterling, MA, 01564
 
Switch ( "I het yooou...")
Lily     ("You haf no 'ome")
Both Together (Wicked Dooking Ferret Laughter!)
[Posted in FML issue 4738]