Melissa,
 
I know what you're going through...I have 6 kids, and they're all a year
apart.  (Yes, I was basically pregnant for 6 years straight).  But the
difficult newborn part passes faster than it feels right now!  Right now
it feels like you'll never get a full night's sleep again...well, that's
basically true, come to think of it...but you get used to it!  You really
do!  It takes many, many months, but you WILL find a balance for
everything.  You'll lower some standards (when we got married, my husband
announced that we would NEVER use disposable plates and forks --
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!), you'll drop some things (I would LOVE to volunteer at
the ferret shelter or the wildlife rehabber, but I just CAN'T), you'll
get cleaning/baby help if you need it until you're on your feet...but you
*will* find a balance that works.  Please, give yourself some time, and
don't get so down on yourself.
 
Even if it's not a new baby, but some other life-altering circumstance, a
balance will slowly work itself out.  Last year, when my husband lost his
job and I had to work 2 jobs to support the family, I thought I would
collapse under the burden, and I thought the ferrets couldn't get more
neglected than they were!  It was all I could do to shove food and water
into their cage at 3 AM, occasionally (and I *do* mean occasionally!)
clean the cage, and occasionally let them out to play.  It was awful!
But it passes...that time's behind us, and the ferrets got through it,
and now that it's over, I'm so glad they're still here.  :-)
 
Take care,
Chana
[Posted in FML issue 4288]