My Ferrets, Minky, Pandora, Ralphie, Lulu and Bucky all asked if I
would type out a letter they so kindly dictated to me.  Please don't
take offense at their comments, some of them can be a little blunt.
 
Dear Ferret Slaves,
We find the grammar of your Masters and Mistresses to be deplorable.
What's all the "dis" and "dat" and "I gots" and "wif"?  Those words are
definitely not in OUR dictionary.  Are you actually training your loved
ones to speak like that, or are they from some strange part of the
country with a type of slang we are not accustomed to.
 
All of us ferrets in this house were taught, since kithood, how to speak
the language properly.  No ferret is perfect, of course...well, at least
that's what we want the slaves/humans to think, but we feel the poor
grammar and spelling skills has become and epidemic.
 
The five of us are available at any time, day or night, except when
sleeping, eating or playing, to help tutor any ferret who's interested in
improving their skills.  We also teach typing, but don't tell our human
(hey...why am *I* typing this then?-human secretary).  Miss Pandora also
will be starting up a ladies ettiquette class, for all the young women
who really want to fine tune their manners.  Ladies, this is your chance
to really hook a fine ferret-man!
 
Lulu has been setting up a thrift store behind the living room chair,
she's quite the treasure hunter.  So far she's collected lots of big
money items, like the cover of the new Harry Potter book; MANY pairs of
fine ladies shoes, size 7.5 only; various store receipts (think refunds);
dog chew toys; and she's just acquired a beautiful red wrapper from a
3-pack of dentyne cinnamon gum!  She'll be giving a lecture on how to
hone your entrepreneurial skills, and earn enough money to buy your OWN
treats, instead of waiting for the humans to get them.  We all know that
online mail order can be done by any monkey...so we'll teach you how to
use a credit card to order all the snacks you could ever want.
 
Well, that's it for now, before the slave, I mean human learns too
much, we'll sign off.  Anyone interested in any of the above classes or
lectures, please contact us through the FLO, our secret email name is
"[log in to unmask]"
 
Have a nice day,
Minky, Pandora, Ralphie, Lulu and Bucky
[Posted in FML issue 4204]