This was posted about two years ago, I thought it would be fun to run it
through again for a giggle or two...
 
HOW TO BRING YOUR MALE INTO A RAGING RUT:
- Walk in front of male as much as possible.
- Try to show as much of your backside and tail as frequently as possible.
  Tail swishing is especially effective.
  The male will begin to look your way at this point, it may take five
  minutes or it may take five days ... depending on the male.
- Expose oneself in front of male at every opportunity.
  You may find said male beginning to follow you more, he may be at your
  heels like your shadow and/or he may just be unusually communicative
  and vocal.  Vocalizations may vary from understandable language to
  nonsensical chatter and noises.  If he demonstrates any of this
  behavior, act coyly.  Later, you may respond with smiles and with more
  of the previous mentioned tactics.
- Brush up, touch, paw at, push, hug, and tackle male often.
  You may at this point in time notice your mates grooming behaviors have
  varied.  His hair may take on an oily or greasy appearance so as to
  look all "slickered up" and handsome for you.  He thinks his hair is
  softer and more attractive this way also.  You may notice him beginning
  to smell a bit differently.  He is doing this for you also.  Just
  remember, it is all for you in his eyes.
- Kiss and lick male here and there in very brief intervals, but
  frequently.  Said male will begin to act impulsively.  He may do
  something aggressive and abrupt such as grabbing onto your tail, or
  clinging on to you.
- Just act is if he is not there when he tries to do such things and
  wiggle out of his grasp.  The male may begin regularly marking his
  territory (your home).  Ignore him.
- At this time, it's fun to give male false hopes, but saying "maybe".
  By this point in time his eyes may have an appearance of rings around
  them from lack of sleep as he can only think of one thing now....you.
  He will be acting all full of himself at this point.  Parading around
  and such.  Demonstrating his abilities to get your attentions.  He may
  show you previews of what is to come on that special night by acting
  "it" out on everything nearest to him.  This is to impress you.  You
  will not be impressed.
- Nay, do not be impressed!  Tell him... "you are not impressed yet".
  He will grease his hair and spruce up more and more.  He will make
  himself smell prettier and prettier by putting on musky "cologne".
  And he will proceed to grab you more and more as you walk by, and
  even at times aggressively kiss your neck.
- Do not be impressed.  Tell him, over and over, no... you are not ready
  yet.  Look at this specimen before you, size him up, and the just say
  coyly, "no.." The male may then be close to being ready.  He will
  demonstrate this by war dancing all about for you in very impressive
  ways.  But do not be impressed.  He is still not ready.  Said male will
  vocalize to you in such a way to tell you he is past ready, and that he
  may die if you are not impressed yet.  But I repeat, do not be
  impressed.
- At this point, you may want to vocalize back to the male.  Parade about
  for him showing your pretty self and body.  Do so often.  But when he
  makes his advances, stop.  Said male will, at this point in time, begin
  to act very macho.  He may assert himself by marking anything and every
  thing as HIS territory.  He wants so very much to impress you.  Lifting
  his tail and poofing around the home will be a regular thing.  He may
  in desperation, poof everywhere he goes with you.  If you are really
  lucky, you may witness a sliming!
- By this time I would give him some "encouragement".  Be very creative.
  We don't want him to get discouraged or quit, do we?  No, we want him
  to be the most he can be, and it takes much to impress a female.  He
  will react to this "encouragement" with very aggressive overtures...
  first by mightily dancing about, and vocalizing very, very loudly and
  assertively, then by even grabbing and clinging onto you.  If you are
  lucky... you may be scruffed.  When he gets this physical, take note of
  his testicles, if they aren't three times as large as their normal
  size... he must wait longer, as you will not be impressed.
- Now comes the test, ask the male for everything in the world.  You will
  get one of two things.  You will either get "everything in the world",
  or you be the most impressed female on the block!  Either way you will
  be very happy with the results, I promise you.
 
Wolfy
 
Wolfy's site has MOVED to:
http://wolfysluv.jacksnet.com/
[Posted in FML issue 4002]