Dear Santa,
 
There is only ONE item, I want for Christmas, and that is "MY Ranger."
Santa, Do NOT send him to Dippy!  She's spoken for, she has Doodlebug.
Even if her Daddy says NO.  Ranger, the Alpha ferret, is mine and only
mine!
 
Please Santa, I've been a Good, sweet Girl all year.  Please Santa, a
letter would do.  He hasn't written me, since my brother, Moose got sick
and went away.  In his last letter, he said I was a Vamp and the only
ferret for him.  What could have happened?
 
Please Santa, don't tell me, he's changed his mind and fallen for that
FLOOZIE Dippy.  If I believed, for one moment, he's in love with her, I'd
send my sister Nikki, to fly to those hills of Tennesse, and drop a few
"over riped" tomatoes on her.  (Nikki & I have been saving that special
"pixie dust" you left for her last year, for despert times and like the
water in California, this is despert times).
 
Ruby Jean O'Ferret of the Closet Thieves
[Posted in FML issue 3999]