Hello FMLers!
It's been more than a year since I posted here on the FML. I re-joined a
little while back and have been waiting for a topic to chime in on ...
this is it.
As usual, Bob's post is excellent, but I think there are a few things I
would add.
>many people have the perception that somehow the loss of a pet is
>unimportant compared to the loss of a human.
As one who as been through both types of losses (my mom when I was 10, as
well as other close family members, and several ferrets -- including one
of my best buddies, Balthazar), there really is no distinction between
the two types: loss is loss. Since before 9/11 I was suffering from
depression (9/11 made it worse) and have been in therapy (talk and drug
therapy) -- my docs actually took my loss of Balthazar more seriously
than my family did. It's good to know that the mental health community
is recognizing the need for people to grieve over their pets as fully as
they would grieve any human. It's very important to simply ignore people
who pooh-pooh the loss of a pet. Walk away. While we are grieving, it
is no time to argue with someone over something like this. They are
ignorant; we can educate them later. We need to be good to ourselves
and allow ourselves whatever amount of time needed to grieve.
>3. Actively seek comfort from other people who share a love of ferrets
>or animals.
Also, avoid those who might ridicule your grief. For example, if you
know that a co-worker or family member is unsympathetic to your pets,
don't even tell him/her of the loss. Again, at this delicate time, you
don't need to defend your grief.
>there is no timeline for grieving and each person's needs and time
>are relative to that person.
Not only are people different, but also the grieving process for one
ferret might be different than for another. We might feel more intense
loss over a younger ferret than an older one. Or we might simply have a
closer bond with a particular ferret that makes losing him/her have a
more intense effect on us. If a pet reminds us of a person we knew (Bal
reminded me of my mom -- it's weird, but true), that can affect how
intense the loss is to us. Again, recognize how serious the loss is
and allow yourself to heal -- however long that takes.
>create some type of memorial for your pet,
Burial or cremation rituals can help with the acceptance of the death of
a pet (same as with people). I know people who light a candle in church
or who create a beautiful burial area in their yard. Eric and I have a
shelf where all the remains (cremated) of our lost ferrets reside. We
have pictures of those ferrets there and little things that we associate
with them (for example, the mocked-up bottle of "Brown-Out" we created
for a humor piece in the magazine that featured Bosco da Gama sits on
top of his little box).
>7. It is ok to get another ferret, or a pet of another species, once
>you feel it is appropriate; it is NOT a betrayal.
Some people go out and get another pet right away; some wait. Whatever
you are comfortable with is what is right for you.
>8. Do not underestimate the impact of a lost pet on a child.
This is something I feel *very* strongly about. Often, the loss of a pet
is the first loss a child experiences. It's important for parents to
help guide the child through the grieving process. Initiate conversation
about the loss. Some children will assume that if you don't bring it
up, they shouldn't either. Depending on the age of the child, you can
suggest he/she honor the pet by drawing a picture of the pet or writing
something about how the pet was important in the child's life. Talk
about the pet with the child. Make it clear that the sadness is real
and that it is normal to be sad about a pet that has died. Help your
child deal with other children who might not be sympathetic. The last
thing a grieving child needs is some kid at school taunting him/her over
the loss of a beloved animal family member. Encourage the child to talk
to you about any incidents at school that might upset him/her so you can
help sort things out. The main point here is that children do not
automatically know how to grieve the loss of a pet or a person -- they
take their cues from the adults.
>9. Do not hesitate to seek the help of a therapist if your grief is
>prolonged, overbearing, or causes prolonged depression.
Grief and sadness are normal. But, especially if you have any underlying
problems, the loss of a pet can trigger something more serious. As I
said at the beginning of this post, my experience with mental health
professionals has been very positive with regard to discussing the loss
of a pet. We all need a little help sometimes.
My condolences to all who have lost pets recently. May they all rest in
peace.
--Mary & The Fuzzies
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mary & The Modern Ferrets
Trixie, Koosh, & Gabby
Read my blog --
http://www.modernferretblog.com/mary
[Posted in FML issue 4050]
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