Dear Saint Nicolas,
Sorry I'm a few weeks late but apparently you also come on Christmas so
I don't want to miss out. Please give me all the Cheweasels and no more
baths and also make the people stop hugging Okojo so much. I don't need
more people hugs, just so long as they stop being nice to her. It's not
fair, they should only be nice to me, I keep stealing her bell balls and
nipping people feet to tell them that but apparently you have more
influence. Also I'd like more treats and less teeth brushing please and
someone I can bite, possibly that annoying man at the convienence store
that ruffles my fur and calls me a sweetie. Finally, I need a viewing
spot by the window on that table I'm not supposed to get up on.
I have been very good and don't bite people most of the time which as I'm
sure you know is a great strain on a growing ferret. Don't bring Oko
anything because she's always a jerk and gets mad at me for waking her
up or stealing her stuff, the stupid head.
Itachi, the cute one, chompy one.
Dear St. Nick,
I would like five million bell balls. Also, inform my people that it's
perfectly acceptable to take them into the litterbox with me, as it
relaxed me and prevents, I don't know, constapation or some such thing.
I need continual access to the closet and bedroom as well, for research
purposes, and to hide all those bell balls. Plus, ferret goo every day,
to keep my coat in tip top shape. Everywhere is an acceptable place to
go to the washroom, so I think I need more slaves. Please bring my
people coal because they keep getting mad at me for getting on the
computer or up the bookshelf. They should be praising me for being
such an atheltic and intellegent animal. Also, no more kisses.
If you cannot fit five million bell balls into the sleigh, I recommend
leaving out whatever you were thinking of bringing anyone else in this
house, as they don't deserve it anyways and I'm sure they'll understand.
Okojo, undisputed master of all the bellballs.
Dear Santa,
I need more ferrets. I don't think two are enough, as I have minutes at
a time to relax when they're not getting into trouble. My doctor says I
need to lose weight and exercise more, and I'm sure you'll agree the best
way to do that is to have more ferrets.
I'd like one of each colour and a few extra, just in case I'm sleeping or
eating dinner and need a ferret to demand my attention.
I have been very good, in spite of what the ferrets say. They shouldn't
be climbing in those places in the first place.
Melissa, theoretically the pet owner, not the pet...
Melissa Smith (nee Drake)
http://www.blueskunkland.com/ferret (the Wooze Crew)
http://www.blueskunkland.com/ferrettoons (over 20 designs on over 30
products for the holidays!)
[Posted in FML issue 4000]
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