(Part 1 of 2 Posts) [combined. BIG]
Hello everyone,
I haven't posted in a while; I've been lurking, reading about the
heartbreak & devastating losses some of us have suffered. There have
been too many. I don't know if anything I can say can convey how much
the sharing of sorrow among those who have lost furry buddies has helped
me through the loss of my Chloe.
I posted about Chloe around the time of Mother's Day; she had gone
missing from my home after an afternoon of free-roam playtime. Since
making this sad announcement, I have been deluged with kindly emails
from many, many members of the FML. You offered condolences, tips,
encouragement, hope. I appreciated your sympathy & help so much. I am
so lucky to be a part of a group that understands the pain of losing one
of these special creatures like none other.
We spent about 2 weeks hanging posters, making phone calls to the proper
authorities, canvassing the neighborhood. Nothing. We didn't exactly
give up hope, but we did become resigned to the very real possibility
that Chloe was not coming home. We moved into our neighborhood about a
year ago & still hadn't met all of our neighbors up to this point. Since
beginning this search, we have become acquainted with almost all of them.
Most were very sympathetic, even though we met some as a result of
peering through their hedges with military-issue flashlights at 1:30 in
the morning.
If I may digress, there is one house in my neighborhood I will never
forget. T is populated by people that are up at all hours of the night
whooping it up with the music too loud, there are always empties rolling
around on the sidewalk, and always a giant Rottweiler constantly tied to
the tree with a four-foot rope that would lunge & snap at my gentle dog &
I every time we walked by. The men of the house would leer at me, and
the women would glare & act threatening when I said hello, as if I were
walking by with the express purpose of stealing their men away. They are
tearing down a part of their house for the purpose of remodeling, and
they have a dumpster & a rickety old trailer parked in their driveway.
While I was taking my dog for his usual nightly walk I happened by their
dumpster...in it there was a giant dead thing with antlers rotting away
for all the world to see. A few days after walking by, I knew it was
still there because you could smell the stench of decay blanketing the
neighborhood. I was never a big fan of those people...now I just plain
hate them. Hate is actually a tepid word.
Anyway...while we were out searching for Chloe one night, I knocked on
their door. A filthy, drunk, shirtless man with a beer cozied-Budweiser
in his hand answered the door. When I asked him if the had seen my
ferret, he began to laugh hysterically & said "Oh yeah, I saw it wander
into my yard the other day; my dog killed it & tore it to shreds. It
never stood a chance!" He seemed mystified as to why I didn't join in
with his peals of laughter.
I wasn't laughing at all. Nor was my sister, of her 300-pound football
player boyfriend who was Chloe's favorite person. (They both came with
me to assist, and I was glad for precisely the reason we were now facing
down.) My sister's boyfriend didn't find anything funny about what he
had said, or about the fact that he was drunk & behaving in a menacing
manner toward my sister & I. He put a stop to it promptly.
Once he had finished being dressed own by my sister's boyfriend, he
recanted what he had said about his dog...he was just "kidding". I had
had enough by this point, but this delightful individual had something
else to tell us. Apparently he once had ferrets. He had them while
living in the apartment he had inhabited before coming to my
neighborhood. They dug into his carpet, got poop on the baseboards &
stole some gold ring thing that belonged to his former roommate. A fight
ensued between the two roommates & they were subsequently evicted. He
killed the ferrets, since they were the ones who got them evicted. I
didn't stick around to find out the method, etc. I was absolutely sick.
I don't know if this man thought he would ingratiate himself with me or
what...I cannot think of a fate horrible enough that I want to befall
this man. Until I am able to exercise my imagination better in that
direction, I simply look out my back kitchen window and pray that a
meteor falls on his house, and he subsequently lands in the very bowels
of hell.
Digression over...we continued searching for Chloe. I came home on the
Friday night before Memorial Day with a fresh batch of fliers. I
intended to spend the 3-day weekend doing the usual squeak & search I
had become accustomed to. Geoff had had the day off & had spent the day
working on our cars. He went down to the basement to get some tools. I
sat on the couch in a deep, tired funk. I heard a hammering noise coming
from the basement & then I heard him yell "Chloe's dead!".
I was terrified as to what he had found down there. I started down the
stairs, but he forbade me from going down there. He said it looked like
she had fallen down the heating duct from the bathroom upstairs (a
ferret-free zone due to ongoing construction) & broken her neck upon
impact. He said it looked as if she had been in there for a while. He
spent the next 2 hours going up & down stairs with towels, buckets of
bleach & the hose. I sat on the couch & wept with relief & utter
desolate grief. I was so relieved that she hadn't met any one of the
horrible ends I had imagined. I was devastated because I was not ever
going to see her again. My sister & her boyfriend then came over out of
the blue. I told them the news.
My sister, who is far more stoic than I, assisted Geoff with the cleanup.
My sister's boyfriend rushed out of the house & fled to the shed. I saw
him outside, furiously digging a grave in the backyard. When I went out
to see if he needed help, he was sobbing.
Geoff finished with the cleanup; he had wrapped her in one of my old
tee-shirts. Kaz had dug the grave while Geoff was cleaning up. We
buried the little DEW under a shrub with white flowers on it. She is
with my kitty Nanu, and a little wild bunny we had tried to save the week
before. They will take care of each other in ways that I can no longer
do for them.
I had theorized that she had possibly pulled the grate off of a heating
duct & had fallen. I was right. However, I had spent a lot of time
methodically opening & checking the ducts in the basement & didn't find
anything. Geoff said she had landed in one of the "elbow" parts of the
duct, and therefore could not be seen.=20
I am so relieved that the search is over. I am so sad that it ended in
the way that it did. I am relieved that she most likely didn't suffer,
and that she wasn't roaming around hungry & scared in the big, unfamiliar
outdoors. I miss her terribly, but I am reassured by knowing what
happened to her, and knowing that we'll be together again someday.
This may sound cold, but I didn't want to see her body before burial. I
guess I just have unresolved death issues, but I don't like confronting
what an empty, devoid shell the body is once the spirit passed from it.
I saw my kitty Nanu after he died, and now all I can think about when I
pat my other kitties is how their sweet faces will someday go dark & cold
& quiet, their warm fur will lose its luster & purpose, and their bodies
will simply be cold, empty houses. I don't want to poison my love of
ferrets with those thoughts, so I decided to simply cherish the happy
memories I have of Chloe and leave it at that.
Thank you again for listening to me. I don't know where I would be
without the outpouring of support from so many FML members. I wish I
could have offered a more cheerful end to the story, but it was not meant
to be. I also apologize for not posting sooner; I felt like I owed the
FML the end of the story, but didn't have the time or the heart to post
until now.
Blessed be,
Jessica M
jessica l. manson
whimsy creative photography!
28 stafford st.
plymouth, ma 02360
(508) 747-5505
[log in to unmask]
www.whimsyphoto.com
[Posted in FML issue 3854]
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