Dear Ferret Folks-
 
Lily, our new forever weasel may have a name like a dainty flower but she
has a mouth like a sailor.  Worse, she has taught Switch a bad new word
that I never heard ANY ferret use before.
 
Lily likes to tease Switch.  She's spent a lot of the last day doing so.
She will advance quickly upon Switch, who instantly flattens like a speed
bump.  Lily then begins this mocking, hopping dance around Switch, all
the while giggling "Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!" I don't know what it means in
ferret, but it makes Switch narrow her eyes to little smoldering slits.
 
Then, the Tube Wars begin.  The ferret room is nearly bisected by a
sturdy cardboard tube, nine feet long.  It came to us from Home Depot
with linoleum wrapped around it.  One end of the tube rests on the floor.
The other end is propped up over the edge of the giant cardboard box full
of styrofoam packing peanuts.  Halfway down the length of the cardboard
tube I cut a hole and attached a silvery, flexible dryer vent hose.  As
a result, the tube complex actually has three exits or entrances, it is
shaped like a big letter 'Y'.  She who rules the tubes rules the world,
evidently, and both ladies are determined to rule.
 
Ruling the tube seems to involve who goes into any given entrance first.
Being first is everything.  If Lily manages to squeeze in ahead of
Switch, Switch crouches down, watching Lily's tail recede into the
darkness of the tube complex.  Switch will then wag her own tail
furiously, thumping it against the floor in some sort of a rage.  Then
she charges in after her.  The two meet in the middle and have vigorous
wrestling matches inside the tube, where I cannot see them.
 
Sometimes both weasels come blasting out of the end that is propped up
against the edge of the giant box of packing peanuts, half the size of a
bathtub.  Both fall into the peanuts and thrash about wildly, leaping and
lunging at one another with open mouths before they scramble out of the
box and race across the floor, vying to be the FIRST into the tube again.
This goes on for HOURS.  The floor is strewn with packing peanuts thrown
from the box.
 
And sometimes, Switch just loses it and says the bad word to Lily, who is
just a little bit faster.  The bad word is a low, evil, energetic little
hissssss.  It is so awful that Switch needs to crouch down and flatten
out just to say it.  You evidently can't say anything that bad standing
up like a lady.  I assure you, Switch never used such language when
Sabrina was running things!  In fact, I never, ever heard a ferret say
such a hateful thing.  That Lily is a bad influence.
 
Alexandra in Massachusetts
[Posted in FML issue 3914]