Dear Ferret Folks-
 
Kristin's post about the poopblaster 2000 just reminds me of the single
greatest domestic dissapointment that I have in adult life.  That would
be the complete absence of Starfleet technology in today's housecleaning.
Especially ferret related housecleaning.
 
I am no doubt dating myself here, but I was brought up an Old Trek girl.
I can just barely remember seeing the origional episodes in 1968, 69.  I
was very, very short then, but sometimes if I was good my father would
let me stay up late (whoopee!) and watch Star Trek with him.
 
It was the Trek of Kirk and Spock, and anything was possible.  All
problems were solvable.  The Enterprise was never messy.  I never saw
anyone cleaning in any of the episodes.  Even the Klingons were always
tidy.  It wasn't like my life, where there the tidiness of my room (or
the apalling lack of it) was a constant issue between me and my parents.
 
I longed for acess to Starfleet technology.  I still do.  Clean your room
in the 23rd century?  No problem.  Beam all the dirty laundry into deep
space, widest possible dispersal, so that it only exists as a cloud of
molecules.  Wouldn't want a starship under warp to run into my socks at
six times the speed of light and blow to smithereens.
 
Dirty dishes in the sink?  Phaser beam.  The sink is ceramic, it would
take the heat.  No more dishes in the sink, not even the molecular
residue of dishes in the sink.  ZAPP!  All gone.
 
Messy garage?  Tractor beam.
 
Overdue library books?  Slapshot orbit around the sun, time travel.
 
Family party you don't want to host?  Send your evil double.
 
Starfleet technology has an answer for everything.  Today, my greatest
domestic challenge is the ferret room and cage.  But I think that
Starfleet technology could solve that, too.
 
Remember the episodes with ion storms?  It was never exactly clear what
the deal was with ion storms, but they took place in outer space, and
they were so powerful that they just plain shut the Enterprise down until
they passed, or dispersed, or whatever they did.  They were this big
diffuse glow in outer space, a slurry of charged particles sleeting
through the ether.
 
Now.  How about the Pocket Ion Storm?  One that comes in a container
about the size of a Leggs Egg, that I could open up and release into the
ferret room overnight to clean and sanitize it?  Just open, throw into
room, slam door, and enjoy the play of colored lights that seep out from
under the edge of the door?
 
Come morning, yes, all the wallpaper would be gone, but so would be
all the ferret waste products.  Absolutely gone, their tattered little
electrons banished to an alternate universe that will never be any
problem to me and mine.  Everything in there would be clean and shiny,
as the Pocket Ion Storms powerful cleaning action removes a layer or
two of grimy atoms from everything it envelops.
 
Ah, the beauty of it...you just have to remember to take the ferrets out
of there for the night!
 
Alexandra in Massachusetts
Wishing...
[Posted in FML issue 3862]