This was an easy one...
 
Amber would be in the WWF (you know, the Weasel Wrestling Federation)
because from the minute she comes out of her cage until all her "victims"
are in a safe place that usually requires higher elevation, she beats up
the 5 cats.  She has no fear.  Her stage name would be The Cat
Annihilator, Burger the Brute, or Beastish Burgie (side note: we call her
Burger and Burgie because I used to work at an oral deaf school, and I
brought her to meet the kids one day, and when we told them her name, one
of the girls said, "Why would you name your ferret Hamburg?" because she
had a hard time telling the difference between "A" sounds and "H" sounds -
so it kinda stuck)
 
When she retires from the WWF, she will be taking a "job" as a
professional eBayer.  She will have all her favorite search words
bookmarked on her "My eBay" page: silverware, knives, forks, spoons,
shiny, metal, boot/shoe inserts, & sock(s).  She will have previously
purchased a flamboyant hidey hole with her wrestling millions in which
to stash her collections.  She will be attending therapy sessions for
the obsessive-compulsive disorder, but for some reason, no amount of
therapy or medications will be able to control this disease.  She will
attend the occasional meeting when the guilt is too overwhelming where
she must stand and say, "Hi.  My name is Amber.  I am a stash-a-holic."
Who knows what her fate will be when the money runs out...
 
Kelly White
Southampton, MA
Amber: "I can quit anytime, ya know!  I just say I have a problem so I can
get in the Ferret Enquirer as the wrestler who fell after retirement.  I
get paid for those articles!  I need the money to buy more stuff on
eba...well, don't need to buy...I can quit anytime!"
[Posted in FML issue 3835]