I enjoy historical mystery novels (not as much as I relish forensic
anthropology ones, but they do place a comfortable second place).  In
Lindsey Davis' latest book of the Falco series, _Ode to a Banker_, Falco
finds himself having to urge his semi-estranged father to buck up.  In
desperation he relies on the most repellent of ploys: an offer to alert
some over-weaning relatives to his father's plight.  "Like a ferret down
a pipe" described the speed of their expected responses.
[Posted in FML issue 3777]