Dear Ferret Folks-
 
My ladies Switch and Sabrina share many things, a hammock for napping, a
snuggle bag for cool nights, a passion for stolen dog food and stashing
little objects next to the sofa (more Allegera packages showed up there
recently), and of course an almost obsessive need to find and topple
glasses of human beverages.
 
But there is one thing that they will not share, not if they can possibly
help it.  That's the water bottle.  Nope.  The gloves come off when
access to the water bottle becomes an issue.  It's every weasel for
herself, then.
 
When I put the ladies back in their cage they lunge for the bottle.  It
doesn't matter if they've been out for five minutes or five hours, they
do their highway at rush hour impression to be the one to get to the
bottle first.  It doesn't matter if I hang one bottle or two, the battle
is fought over the nearest one.
 
Switch the Kit has youth and size on her side, she weighs easily twice
what Sabrina does now.  Sabrina, however, has a ferret's full lifetime of
canny, crafty experience and is uncompromisingly stubborn.  Somehow, even
blind, Sabrina usually makes it to the little metal tube with the drippy
ball bearing first.  She does this by getting behind Switch and using her
head like a wedge to get beneath the powerful back legs and hang her up,
leaving her running in place for an instant.  Then she surges around her
and gets to the bottle first.
 
Switch catches up easily, and promptly runs along the length of Sabrina's
back and steps on her head, then stands on it and drinks from the tube.
It's hard to balance this way, so Sabrina squirms beneath her like an eel
and escapes.  If she can't, Sabrina becomes furious and bottle brushes
her tail, then poofs.  This does not bother Switch in the least, water
evidently tastes best when you drink it standing on your friend's head,
poof or no poof.
 
Now they both try lying on the cage floor beneath the tube and licking at
the dripping ball bearing simultaneously.  Each tries to lick faster than
the other in order to control the ball, there is a blur of frantic little
pink tongues.  They eyes are squeezed shut in furious concentration.
 
This is usually when the shoving begins.  Switch shoves Sabrina's face
away from the ball bearing with both front paws.  Sabrina returns, and
does the same thing to Switch.  Sometimes they grab each other (still
lying side by side on the floor and licking) around the middles in a bear
hug and bunny kick each other's bellies with their back feet.  They make
the most amazing faces (as well as deep grunts and shrill squeaks) while
being kicked in the gut, but they never stop licking.
 
You know those old Bugs Bunny cartoons when there is a fight between two
characters?  All you see is a dust cloud on the ground, and every now and
then a foot or a cocked fist or a head with hands wrapped around it's
throat emerges from the dust for an instant?  They look like that.
 
These epic battles last three to five times longer than it would take
for each lady to take a civilized turn drinking to fulfillment from the
bottle, one after the other.  When they are done, they climb into their
hammock (together, go figure, they are as bad as people) to make a warm
weasel pile, and settle down for a peaceful nap like nothing happened at
all.
 
Alexandra in Massachusetts,
not understanding this at all.
[Posted in FML issue 3818]