>From:    Roger Vaughn <[log in to unmask]>
>This is a NON-FLAME post!
 
So is this. :-)  I just want to offer a different perspective.
 
>If you are giving up animals and choose to post about them on the FML,
>it may help to alleviate the flames by giving as much detail as possible
>about WHY you're giving them up.  A short message leaves too much room
>for people to speculate about your reasons.  If the reasons are personal
>and you can't share them, state that.
 
This is good advice.  If someone takes the time to re-read their post and
"fill in the blanks" it might indeed help them see where they might want
to add some detail.
 
BUT... if they don't, I suggest that we NOT speculate.  Or if we can't
help ourselves, we can refrain from sharing our self-induced outrage with
everyone on the list, and in the process, perhaps alienating someone who
needs assistance.  In the recent example, when I read that the poster was
looking for homes for his ferrets but was going to put his dog to sleep, I
was curious.  To me, it seemed that the person was concerned for his pets.
So it didn't make sense that he would just put the dog down because he
could care less.  I assumed there was some good reason.
 
>I too am disturbed by the poster putting his dog down because he is
>moving.  I'm sure he has good reasons, but since he has not told us what
>those are, I cannot help but speculate.
 
Ah, but my point is that we CAN.  Or if we can't help it, we can at least
offer the benefit of the doubt to a complete stranger we don't even know,
and assume there might be very good reasons, and NOT send an inflammatory
post to the list or to the person privately.
 
>I don't want to flame, but I cannot imagine what his circumstances are.
 
But we DO.  And when we do, we do not imagine a reasonable circumstance,
but instead we assume the worst.  We assume (again using the recent
example) the person is a horrible ogre (one who apparently loves his
ferrets but somehow mysteriously hates or can't be bothered with his dog).
Then, without any evidence at all, we react *to our own imaginings* and
flame the poor person up one side and down the other.  Why?  Why not just
ask for more details before consigning someone to the
"horrible-people-who-don't-care-about-animals" pile?
 
>PLEASE, people, post those little details and put all of our minds at
>ease.  I can't guarantee that you won't still get one or two flames, but
>at least you will satisfy the majority of the list.
 
Yes, this is good advice.  But we who read the posts also have a
responsibility.  Whether the person gives lots of details or not, we
should try to be kind.  I know, maybe it's human nature to automatically
believe the worst about people.  But why would you want to live like that
if you had a choice to think and act differently (and you do)?  Do we
really want to live our lives being suspicious of everyone without cause?
I'm sure everyone could relate a case where the worst WAS true.  And they
stand out, and so we forget all the times when the worst wasn't the truth,
and there were circumstances we weren't aware of at first.  And so when
someone posts like they did recently, we get all stressed out over
situations that don't even exist!  It's bad for us as individuals, and it
makes this list less friendly and less helpful than it could be.  I know
we can be better than that.
 
Best regards,
Karen
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===================================================
Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best thought, by day or by night
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light
                        -- 8th century Irish hymn
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If you love ferrets, check out:
http://www.ferretwise.org
===================================================
[Posted in FML issue 3727]