[2-part post combined into one.  BIG]
 
First off, I know I don't post often, but that's mostly because there's so
much malevolence on the list at times that it makes me queasy.  I do scan
daily, and when I do post, I'm usually long winded, so I apologize.  I am
about to open myself up to flames, but <shrug> flamethrowers are the least
of my worries these days.  Most people don't need to read mean-spirited
things on a public list in order to experience it in their lives.  There's
enough nastiness in our daily lives without needing to read it too.  Some
people can be just so downright mean, self-righteous and steadfast in
their opinions.  I just don't understand.  I suppose it's very easy to be
anyone you want to be when you're sitting behind the safety of a computer
monitor in the comfort of your own home or office.  I've been guilty of
the same.  It's easy to lash out when you don't have to see the hurt and
anger and frustration on the face of the person you have just attacked.
People, myself included, need to remember that e-mail only conveys words.
The main ingredients to effective communicating are left out: tears,
facial expressions, hand gestures (yes, even the bad ones...), smiles,
laughter, tone of voice, etc... The lack of these things makes it much
more difficult to "hear" and "see" what a person is truly trying to say.
Unfortunately, it's then up to us to assign all those missing things,
including motive, to form a conclusion about what is being said.  Some
people automatically assign as much negativity to a post as possible.
Others flip to the other far side and try to assign only the positive.
Certainly it's not this black and white.  There must be gray in the
middle.........
 
I'll mention again that when I first announced that I was writing Ferrets
for Dummies, I received more nasty e-mails and scary threats from the
"ferret community" (actually the FML family) than I did support.  I am a
ferret person.  But, I jokingly tell people that "to-the-bone" ferret
people are more brutal than people in the horse showing world.  Having
been showing horses for 20 years or so, I can tell you THAT'S a strong
statement.  But, while writing the book I also came to find that most
ferret people are beyond kind and compassionate.  They're special.
Sometimes (ok, a lot of times) they just have a difficult time showing
it.  And that's why most of us do better with our animals than we do with
people.  That's a "Kim fact".  Ferret people can be very opinionated and
rough on those who do not take to ferrets the way they/we do.  Heck, they
can be downright brutal to those who just differ in opinions.  Period.
 
I'm writing from several different angles today.  I am a shelter operator.
USDA and 501(c)(3).  Big deal.  I take in exotic and wild animals.  I also
occasionally take in ferrets.  I am an author who knew very little about
ferrets (except as an owner) until ferret people helped me out.  I have
also needed to place "special" ferrets of my own into new homes because I
felt I couldn't meet their needs.  Ferrets are not for everyone.  I know
this to be true, because I read it in Ferrets for Dummies ;-)
 
I am a firm believer of commiting to an animal for life, taking the good
and bad, or not getting that animal at all.  I am also a firm believer
that there are instances when a "match" is not made and by the time that
is figured out, you have both an unhappy pet owner and an unhappy pet.  I
don't believe it's always necessary to place blame on the person or the
animal or both.  Sometimes things just don't work.  Sometimes all options
inside the home are exhausted.  Having said that, I DO believe there are
people who all too easily give up their pets as though they have no
meaning.  Reasons can be downright ridiculous and inflaming to some of
us.  We hear the same ones over and over again.  But we need to learn to
differentiate between the people who just really don't give a damn or
those who never really put high values on their furry family members to
begin with, and those who have done their best to make it work and feel
it's in the best interest of the animal to finally place it in a new home.
 
I believe Ann O (Ferret X's caretaker) falls into this latter category.
Venting about it is okay.  We all vent in various ways.  I cuss like a
truck driver.  I've called my husband a jerk.  I've called him worse.
Never once did I hear that Ferret X was in danger.  Never once did I hear
that the owner didn't care for any of the ferrets properly - Hell, these
ferrets get out and play!!!  There are some on this forum that DON'T allow
their ferrets much playtime, or any!  Face it.  It's true.  It appears
that if Ferret X is getting into that much trouble, he is not only normal,
but he also is allowed the time to do it!  Sounds to me like this
caretaker isn't so bad afterall.  He or she is just fed up and can't
handle it anymore.  People have limits.  I care for over 100 animals.
Most people have lower limits than I do.  I roll my eyes at those who
say, "But I already have a dog and a cat..."  But, we are all different.
And some people have higher limits than I do.  Smart people ask for help
or vent in a safe way when that limit is met.
 
What scares me is that many people are shamed beyond belief for getting
vulnerable and letting people know that they've reached their limit.  What
happens to the ferrets when their caretakers DON'T feel safe enough to
reach out?  Well, in one instance a few weeks ago, I had a completely bald
ferret (cept for the head) left in a bare cardboard box on my front
doorstep.  It had been raining for 2 days.  It had dipped into the 30's
several nights in a row.  The box was soggy.  The ferret limp.  I found
him by chance, as I rarely use the front door.  I have no idea how long he
was there.  (This ferret is having adrenal surgery Sunday and is currently
spunkier than most of my kids now!)
 
The previous "owner" is a GD coward.  THAT is a person unworthy of having
"furkids" or ANY pets.  Or how many times do we hear about the ones that
are let loose to fend for themselves in the wild?  Like it or not, if we
care so much for the ferrets, then it's our job to educate people in a
constructive way, yet make sure people have a safe place to come when it
doesn't go the way planned.  That does NOT mean we have to agree with,
like or support the reasons for give-ups.
 
As for the people AND the excuses - Some are stupid.  Some are ignorant.
I've gotten in animals because the kid got bad grades.  There's a good
lesson to teach the kid, huh?  But some reasons are truly valid.  It seems
to me that Ann O did the right thing by coming to the FML and venting.  I
was extremely encouraged by the majority of the understanding e-mails.
What I couldn't understand were the hostile e-mails that claimed this
person should never be allowed to have any animals ever again.  A little
harsh, wouldn't you say?  She/he may be a better ferret mom than many of
you out there.  And the advice to place all the ferrets in a shelter or
with someone else?  Gimme a break!  How did some of you come to the
conclusions that this person was unworthy or so bad that he/she had to
immediately surrender all the ferrets and be barred from ever having
another pet?  Holy cow!  You guys are really rough!  We all think we know
what we'd do in a certain situation.  We make grandiose claims "If I were
you......" and "I would never..." blah blah blah... It's always easy for
us to sit back and judge, but we are not that person.  We have not lived
in those exact shoes.  We do not know what else this person deals with on
a day to day basis.
 
<donning my flame retardant suit> So, you know what I did earlier this
month?  Well, actually, I'd been trying to do it for MONTHS, but couldn't
find a person trustworthy enough AND willing enough to take on the two
ferrets that *I* could not deal with any longer.  <gasp> Someone call the
ferret police and have the rest of my babies confiscated.  I'm evil.  I'm
bad.  I'm unworthy <bowing to the self-righteous>.
 
Snow and Beethoven (now named Sebastian).  Both rescues that I made
permanent family members.  Snow is incorrigible.  She bites to kill and
needs no reason to do it, right Kat?  Sebastian has his moments too.  *I*
do not have the time or energy to deal with these two ferrets.  They were
not getting what they needed from me, and because I became more and more
frustrated, they got less and less from me.  OMG, me!  I have a whole
chapter on problem biters in my book, which btw made a few heads spin,
because <whisper voice> we don't talk about such things in public... I
couldn't place these ferrets fast enough, but I also knew I had to find
that right person who understood and tolerated biters better than I do.
I found a wonderful woman, but getting them to her in TX was a problem.
 
Then along came my angels Kat Parsons and her husband Tommy.  She said
NO NO NO, but it ended with a YES and away they went.  I was ecstatic for
me.  I was ecstatic for the ferrets.  I was tickled pink that Snow and
Sebastian were now in the best home possible.  The best home was NOT with
me.  That was obvious.  I recognized that months ago.  It doesn't make me
bad.  It doesn't mean my other ferrets are neglected.  My other ferrets
are in the BEST home possible.  They're with ME.  I know my limits.  I can
handle nippers.  I can handle rough players.  I've been bitten by cougars,
alligators and ripped open by a bear (all my own animals).  The list goes
on.  I cannot deal with ferrets that come up and bite to kill for no
reason.  That's just me.  I don't tolerate it.  I can't work with them (I
lack both the time and motivation to do so).  All the education in the
world won't change that.  That doesn't mean I don't love ferrets.  I do.
I love them enough to make sure they're in the best home possible.  Most
of the animals that come into our home are housed for life.  When it comes
time to placing a certain animal, it's not merely out of convenience
for me, but moreso because it's in the best interest of the animal.  I
understand there's a muddy line here since I run a shelter also and some
animals are expected to be rehomed.
 
Oh, one more story....... I got in a yellow nape amazon (the psychos of
the bird world) about a year ago.  The previous owners, an older couple,
was sick and spent a lot of time in the hospital.  The zoo referred them
to me.  This bird supposedly had an awesome personality and an equally
wonderful vocabulary.  I was DYING to have a yellow nape so I eagerly
agreed to take her.  Despite all my other parrots talking up a storm and
playing, this bird sat mostly quietly in her cage.  I tried to bond with
her.  Sometimes when she was out, she would chase me around with that
crazy look in her eyes.  If you have a parrot, you know what I'm talking
about.  I've been bitten by macaws and cockatoos.  I think every one of my
parrots has drawn blood at least once.  I got stitches in my eye from my
macaw.  But this one amazon scared me to death.  Along comes a friend of
mine from Oregon.  This bird is nuts for her.  It's obvious they're a
match, so I reluctantly send her back to Oregon.  The bird is now talking
up a storm.  She is the epitome of affection.  She is handled and pampered
daily.  She'll even lay on her back while my friend rubs her birdie belly.
My friend is in love with this bird and the feeling is obviously mutual.
I had NO intention of ever parting with this bird, but it was painfully
obvious that there was a much better suited home out there.
 
Okay, I've rambled to the point of no longer making a point.  I just wish
some of you can see that things are not so black and white.  Everyone is
different.  Things do not have to be so extreme.  It is okay to not feel
as strongly about ferrets as some of you do.  That doesn't make a person
unworthy of keeping ferrets.  And most of you know in your hearts that
education beforehand does not compare to actual living experiences.
Reality often blows what you've learned right out of the water.  We may
think and hope that we can deal with certain things until it actually
happens.  Some of you are probably attacking people who would otherwise
bend over backwards for you.  You don't know.  I'm not saying we need to
make it easy for people to "dump" their pets, but I do believe it's our
obligation to educate in a positive way, offer hands on assistance if
possible, and still be available for the ferrets when the need exists.
We need to learn the difference between dumping and rehoming.  I'm not
sure how we do that.  But we need to.  While it may be a fine line at
times, there IS a difference.
 
Kudos to the people offering Ann O advice on making life with Ferret X
easier to live with.  And the same to those who offered to take in this
ferret without being so mean and nasty to his owner.
 
Respectfully,
Kim Schilling
[Posted in FML issue 3583]