"Ferret X" is not a jerk or a demon.  He's a ferret, and he's doing what
ferrets do (some ferrets better than others (-: )
 
I do hope you get your ferret(s) to a better home or shelter soon.  You
sound very angry and mad at this ferret as if he is personally trying to
destroy your things.  He's not, he is simply being his inquisitive ferret
self.  Many of the items you mentioned (ex remote) are unsafe objects for
ferrets to have access to, because their "ooh, I can chew on this rubber
object" nature can cause a life-threatening blockage.  Others like the bed
and couch need to be ferret proofed, because they like to borrow and can
trap themselves or ingest an unsafe substance in the couch.
 
Clearly ferrethood is not for you (Ferret X really is only enjoying life
as a ferret - he's not trying to torment you).  It would be great if you
had known this before getting ferrets.  They are active, nosy, stinky
(ahh, love that scent), and very poopy!  You either love them for it or
you don't.  Since you don't I hope you help them find a home that does.
 
By the way, no one wants to hear excuses.  If you don't like having
ferrets say it, why pretend it's allergies or something else.  I hope you
are honest in finding Ferret X a new home.  Tell them what he is like so
that the next owner is not overwhelmed.  Many will be endeared by his
mischief and ready to train him in other areas.  Wishing Ferret X and his
siblings much luck in finding a new home.
 
Dooks
Risa
[Posted in FML issue 3581]