Condolences to those with lost, sick, or angeled sneaky sneaker stealers...
Too many good topics available to just let pass by, so:
on "litter training:"
Don't bother. I haven't found a single brand of litter that was willing
(or able) to be trained. I tried talking, threats, treats, using various
languages (when using Minbari, all the grains lined up in the same
direction, but that was all) and even time-outs in the closet. No dice.
Its my educated and professional opinion that litter can NOT be trained,
no matter how much time you devote to it.
on "Ants in the cage"...
Well, this one was just *too* easy. Everyone knows that an ant without
wings, is female. Therefore, the quickest solution is to find a bunch of
male ants, dress them up to impress, give them some pocket money, and park
them all around the outside of the cage and stand back. Oh...another tip:
tape their mouths shut. You don't want them saying any dumb lines when the
female ants arrive. With enough motivation, I'm sure they will be able to
lure the ants away with little or no problem, if you do it all right! :)
on "mice in the greenhouse"...
Confuse the mice. Paint the place blue...or red...anything but green.
When the mice come home from a night out on the town, they will think they
have the wrong place and go somewhere else. Problem solved!
Ok...enough for now. Please be advised, that none of the solutions or
comments made here was meant to solve anything, other than maybe a bit of
gloom and depression. None of this was to be taken seriously! Smile!
You just might confuse the other guy! Your mileage may vary. Not to be
taken at bedtime. Do not operate a vehicle while reading this message.
All rebates assigned to dealer. Notify your nearest NASA sub-station if
you find an alien. Don't take without a psychiatrist's advice. Send
payment (in certified check, or money order) to:
The Fuzzbutt Rodeo Clowns! :)
---
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[Posted in FML issue 3359]
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